But aside from romance, did you know the true love fest undoubtedly resides with the “love merchants” of the world? Yes Honey! For all the confectionery makers, restaurant owners, flower shops keepers, jewelry artisans, greeting cards manufacturers, champagne producers, fragrance makers, etc.; Valentine’s Day really translates, in the U.S. alone, into 20 BILLION$ worth of love! That’s a lot of love and coincidentally, “V” Day happens to be just seven short weeks after the annual shopping peek: Christmas… How convenient!

We may sound satirical but make no mistake: we do see a lot of good with February’s red soaked date. Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t take second row behind other motivators…

Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t…
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So here are the 4 main challenges we see with “V” Day, whether you are in a relationship or you’re not:

1. If you are in a relationship and put so much emphasis on being covered with roses and chocolates every time Feb 14th comes along, doesn’t it tell a lot of what you ultimately value in the relationship? Or is this simply an indication that you are not feeling loved the rest of the year?

2. If you are NOT in a relationship and are heartbroken just at the thought of not having new pics to upload to your social media profile, are you truly looking for love or is feeling “acknowledged” by the crowd really what you are looking for?

3. If you are in one of those stormy relationships, with the two of you always fighting over the slightest details all year around, are you using Valentine’s Day as a cover up for your dysfunctional romance?

4. If you are NOT in a relationship and are feeling melancholic about previous February 14th celebrations, (you know the ones before he or she ran away?) well if it’s the case, isn’t this the time for you to move on? How long will you accept to get stuck in your past?

In a nutshell, we think that if you are alone on Valentine’s Day, you should not necessarily see this as a curse. You probably spared yourself an over priced bad dinner in an overbooked restaurant with an awful service provided by overstretched and stressed out waiters, with someone who’s maybe only sailing the love wave… Just smile and be happy. You’re worth more than that!

But if you have someone dear to your heart with whom you’ll be spending Feb. 14th with, here’s what we hope: that you also have your own special date(s) on the calendar that you commemorate, date(s) that are only yours to celebrate when you don’t need flower shops or chocolate makers to remind you how lucky you are to have that special person in your life.

P.S.: For the record, we both loooove flowers and chocolates!

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The point is, we have come to a place in human history where we are used to get things INSTANTLY.  From information, to goods and entertainment, to constant communication with our friends, and so on… Therefore, we naturally think everything needs to happen in a “fast and furious” fashion.  So one can only ask, does the same mindset affect sentimental relationships nowadays?  Or, if the intention is to eventually find and have a healthy, functional romantic relationship, should our “common day” expectations be different?

You see we consider the “unfolding pace” of a relationship to be very important, and, to play a significant role in its long-term success or failure. We also believe finding the ideal life partner requires more than wishful thinking or simply relying on a lucky “instantaneous” charm… Many critical factors need to come into play to get to a pleasing end result. Although no one can pretend owning the 100% Guaranteed Romantic Formula –and we certainly don’t; we remain strongly convinced that RUSHING into a relationship just because we have come to expect “fast outcomes” in everything, is just calling for trouble somewhere down the road.

The problem is, knowing if we are rushing things out can be unsettling. It’s not an easy thing to assess. However, questioning our “motives” can be very helpful. Here are 5 queries to assess if we are rushing into a relationship:

#1 Is it love or…infatuation?

Often in the early stages of a new relationship, those two feelings can be very confusing. The reality is too many of us end up blind folded and completely lost in the emotion of unreasoned desire. But we make a very clear distinction between the two feelings. Love, at its core, has critical ingredients: commitment and patience. So let’s not confuse the two. Infatuation is not love. It’s an emotional high without any commitment.

Love, at its core, has critical ingredients: commitment and patience.Infatuation is not love….
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#2  Should I bring him or her to the extended family gathering?

Meaningful people in your life deserve befitting introductions. It’s as simple as that. So this should never be about convenience, meaning, “everybody will be there, might as well bring her/him” kind of thing. This is about doing what’s right for your meaningful people, e.g. your kids, best friends, siblings, etc. If they haven’t had the chance to get a proper introduction with your new flame yet, we think presenting them on the same level as your Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bob is just not right. It’s rushing things out because…if this is serious enough, there will be other occasions.

#3  Am I in a rebound relationship?

Are you an advocator of the “better get back on that horse quickly” mentality? In other words, are you jumping into a new relationship just to ease the pain from your previous one? If you haven`t taken the time to step back, and reflect on your past relationship, starting on a new one too soon will likely lead you to other disappointments.

#4  Am I isolating myself to avoid feedback?

It’s kind of normal to change our routines so to speak when we fall in love. All of a sudden we don’t see our best friends as often as we did before, just because… we’re in love! But here’s the question in case you missed it: are you ignoring your best friends to avoid their feedback? Is it because you are embarrassed or uncomfortable with him or her in public? Do you simply avoid social outings to spare you the confirmation that you already know deep down inside? If it’s the case, you already got your answer.

#5  Is it too soon to move in together?

Don’t think this one is too obvious. We’ve seen cases (and we insist on the plural here…) when a separation just occurred, and, the “ex” and the “new devotee” almost bumped into each other when moving out and…in! You think this is too soon? We are strong advocates of “doing things for the right reasons.” If you are still in the early stages of a relationship, moving in together because “it’s cheaper than maintaining 2 apartments” or “we’re always together anyway…” or “I could take care of the dog when he’s away on business,” all of those and more… are just not good enough reasons.

The post 5 Queries To Assess If You Are Rushing Into a Relationship appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

You see we often refer to the Inner Voice as a muscle, one that needs to be exercised and flexed in order to be effective. Think of it as a SPIRITUAL MUSCLE, a little chant that can sing to you loud and clear lyrics to help you avoid disastrous relationship situations.

But like any other muscle, it needs reps to become strong!  Believe it or not, the Mr. Universe Dude sitting next to you in the subway was not born with those big guns… He worked at it.

To become a “good inner voice listener,” we need to start to do just that.  We have to begin to focus on paying attention when a situation arises and… TRULY LISTEN! In other words, we have to do what the Collins Concise English Dictionary says: “concentrate on hearing something.”

The problem with the Inner Voice is that it sometimes speaks up in the most unexpected places and ways.  So how do we rep our Inner Voice? How can we make it stronger? Here are 5 Reps to Flex Your Inner Voice Muscle in a New Relationship:

#1 Stop Rushing. Step Back

We really need to do that before making a tough choice or decision. So, when you first start dating someone new, you want this to be the fine line between “being open” while not “getting overly enthusiastic.” Enthusiasm is good, but too much of it in that specific qualifying timing, can be the nays that will deafen the whispers of your inner voice. What we’ve learned through the years is this: whenever in doubt – we step back. We don’t rush. Precipitated decisions are the enemies of the Inner Voice. By the way, this applies to all areas of life.

Precipitated decisions are the enemies of Inner Voice. Whenever in doubt, step back, don’t rush.
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#2  Go Back to previous Relationships

Are there some examples in your life when you’ve said: I should have, but didn’t…

Hindsight is 20/20. Most of us have been in situations at the early stages of a relationship, when we had signs, when things didn’t feel right, when red flags were all there, WAVING!!! … Yet we convinced ourselves and justify that he or she is the right person…. Unfortunately, too many of us chose to ignore the signs. Take the time to reflect on those past events and use them to know better the next time around.

#3  Don’t Justify

This one is kind of a first cousin of our #2 tip. Trying to convince ourselves or forcing things out when it just doesn’t feel right, is just counter productive. It doesn’t flex your inner voice muscle and makes it stronger. It atrophies it.

#4  Tune-in to God

For the Christians among us this is not a new concept. This doesn’t mean we should never use logic or analysis. But what it means is to be aware that God will use many persons, events and things that revolve in our “personal universe” to talk to us. Tuning-in to God, asking God for guidance is always a good place to start.

#5  Go to Your Inner Circle

People in your inner circle are the people who know everything about you: the good, the bad and the ugly. They’ve seen you on highs and lows. Go to them. Ask them to help you validate what your instinct or gut is telling you. But don’t do it suggesting answers to them! Open ended questions like “What do you think of…” or “When was the last time that…” are always good places to start.

Please also consider this. The inner voice is like our heartbeat. It works 24/7 for us. All the time. Shouldn’t you start to give it just a bit of attention? Are you truly listening?

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Let’s be honest: Romantic relationships occupy a lot of space in most people’s lives. And rightfully so! A great majority of us long for stable, fulfilling relationships with a partner we can share our lives with. There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery. Here are 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the man-made environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Do you really think you can build a healthy, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no…
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2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.
3-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

4- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

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I mean come the end of October and, even as grownups, we set our sights and expectations towards Halloween Parties. Every year we get to wonder if we should follow a pop culture trend for our costume, or choose a more solemn theme like a Presidential Campaign candidate… After all, colorful costumes always seem to steal the votes.

As Love Guides though, we tend to always look at seasonal events with a different set of glasses. And although Halloween is not as emotionally charged for singles as the Holidays are, we can’t help to draw a parallel with what we’ll call the “disguise factor.”

Too often we see single people so desperate for companionship that they will go to great lengths to try to impersonate someone that they’re not. Often unbeknownst to them, they unconsciously wear a disguise that’s burying their true gift: their “love-worth.” With that in mind, allow us to push the allegory a little.

Here are 3 disguises that could be good for your Halloween party but harmful to help you find a fulfilling relationship.

1. The Pleaser Disguise

   When we hide our true self at the beginning of a relationship we tend to do it for two reasons: we want to please the new partner with our phoney charm, and we want to hang around without totally engaging. So let’s question the veracity of our intentions here. What are we really after?

2. The Lonely Freak Disguise
   

   That’s the Fear of Being or Staying Alone disguise.
   It is nothing more than a lack of faith and a lack of confidence. The irony with this one is… we wear it, but… we are seldom alone! We typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why we can’t seem to find a lasting relationship. Yet, from one time to another, we expect different results.

   

3. The “Rejectee” Disguise
   

   This is a very popular costume. Many of us have been wearing it since childhood. Others have tried it on later in life. But in either case, the scars often look fresh. Many experts say that if you once experienced an “emotional rejection,” you are very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your new relationships. This of course includes our love life. FEAR of Rejection victims would rather give up and stay alone than even try to find a suitable mate. It’s a lethal disguise.
   

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   FEAR of Rejection can be a lethal disguise. Victims would rather give up and stay alone than even…
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Sadly, when we build a relationship on a faulty foundation, it’s destined to collapse. We need to reconcile who we are with the fake personas we are putting on from time to time.
What’s the purpose behind our disguises? Manipulation? Fear? Low self-esteem? Remember, there’s a big distinction to be made between wearing a gaudy costume on Halloween and covering up one’s true identity for the rest of the year.

With that in mind, we hope you’ll enjoy the sight of smirky faces, friendly ghosts and 3-foot tall witches on October 31^st! We sure will.

The post Do Singles Use Halloween Costumes to Disguise from Love? appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

So, we question this “phenomenon.” We examine if it is any different from our own universe and if there is anything that can be done to prevent a relationship to go sour or even, terminated.

 Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber. Photo: Andrew Evans / PR Photos

Aren’t you grateful about the long checkout lines at the supermarket? No? Well, we are! For us, it’s the perfect venue to catch up on the “state of relationships” in Hollywood. Here’s a recap of what we recently saw glancing at the magazine stands:

 “Oprah’s had ENOUGH!
She’s shown Stedman the door!”…

“Brangelina… IT’S OVER!”

“After 11 years, Liev and Naomi
are calling it quits”

And on and on it goes. So…
…are celebrities doomed for more
breakups than most of us? 

We’re not sure about that. However, “what we know for sure” (okay, that’s Oprah’s line) for having been down that road in our “former lives,” is that a separation after many years in a relationship is heart breaking, especially when it involves children.

Celebrities are human beings. They too can suffer from a broken heart. And the reasons that trigger their breakups are no different than ours:

Celebrities R humans. They too can suffer from a broken heart. The reasons that trigger their…
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• It’s demanding  careers.
• It’s new personal interests.
• It’s family life pressure or even health issues.
• It’s cheating.
• It’s a lack of communication.
• It’s loss of trust.
• Etc.

All of these are issues that don’t usually just blow up. They’re more like a balloon that’s been seeping air for a long time. After a while, it becomes deflated. So, is there a cure for all of this, a way to prevent deflategate (sorry Tom!…) in a relationship?
There is certainly not one straight answer to that question. We think it varies a lot in proportion to “how much damage” has been done in the relationship.

Can a relationship be salvaged when a lot of damage has been done?

Regardless of how toxic a relationship has become, one of the major reason people continue to hold on, is the fact that they have a shared history. A history made of kids, friends, family, and all sorts of memories. A history that once started with a “vision.”

When you look at “successful couples,” the ones that seem to go through thick and thin together, they all seem to have one key fundamental in place.  They have a compelling, aspirational and clear vision of what they intend to aim for together. That’s what makes them stronger, inspire them to move forward, guard them against futile arguments and events that start maliciously to seep their air. In short, their crystallized vision serves many purposes but the primary one helps them remember “why” they are together at the first place. (For more on Couple’s Visions, check out our post “4 Principles To Help You Become A Power Couple”)

However, when a relationship never had a real common vision and a lot of damage has already been done, the harsh truth is, sometimes it may be more harmful for the couple to stay together. And let’s also look at another reality: a breakup is a time to reflect on the relationship and make an honest self-assessment before jumping into another one. Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback.

As for Liev and Naomi, it appears that they are moving on individually with their lives. In a statement the former couple said that they were looking forward to co-parenting their boys and “exploring this new phase of our relationship.”  We wish them, and all other celebs on the front of our gossip magazines, all the very best.

The post Are Celebrities Doomed For More Breakups Than Most of Us? appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Well, the plain truth is, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE SURE! Although please understand that, “SURE,” does not always equate to error-free… Understand also that there will be bumps on the road whether she turns out to be Ms. Right or not. It’s just the way it goes.

Sadly though, too many of us get blind folded in a relationship. We get stuck too long in the infatuation phase and we simply refuse to look at the signs that are ALWAYS there for us to see IF… we are willing… an emotional high without any commitment. For that reason, we like to keep things simple and straightforward whenever we get confronted with this issue. Simplicity brings clarity. And when it comes to clarity, here is something we want to make very clear: Infatuation is not love, it’s an emotional high without any commitment.

Infatuation is not love, it’s an emotional high without any commitment.
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So here is our Top 2 Advice to Conquer Indecision and Know if He/She is The One. We hope it will help you move forward with confidence.

1. A Blurred Vision Will Get You In The Ditch

Have you ever driven in a blizzard? Or riding your car at night on a poorly lit road behind a messed up windshield with no water fluid left in the tank? Yes? Well then you know those are strong warnings to stop the car before you get in the ditch. Your relationship is no different.

If you and your partner do not have a CLEAR vision of what you want your relationship to be, or, if you “kind of have” one but you are not quite sure if the two of you are in alignment with it… WARNING! It’s time for you to pause and start to define for yourself what your vision is. Then if the two of you can’t agree with it… what is there left to debate about???

2. Are You Embarrassed?

Okay, now we’re dropping the bomb on you. The 800-pound gorilla is in the room so don’t pretend You Ain’t Seeing It!
Are you embarrassed and uncomfortable with him or her in public? I mean we know you like the guy but be honest here. Does he make you want to shrink smaller than Peter Pan when he tags along on your nights out with your friends or family? Or worse, do you simply avoid social outings to spare you the aggravation or discomfort? Come on. If he/she were “The One” you would be very, very proud to be accompanied with that individual. Not the other way around.

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If we only applied these 3 Basic Choices To Empower Our Relationships, we would certainly make them more fulfilling for all parties involved. Of course there are countless other options available, but let’s start with these 3. Alright?

#1 Choose Loyalty
This of course means being there when it matters. But it also means standing up for the relationship by not getting involved in gossip talks with others, about our lover, friend, sibling or whoever that person may be. The loyalty we show when the person is there to see is powerful, but the one we display to others when that person is not there to witness, can make the relationship bullet proof.
#2  Choose To Give
Relationships are, in many instances, like joint bank accounts. The account holders can only withdraw what they’ve put in.

Relationships are, in many instances, like joint bank accounts. The account holders can only…
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The endless choices we now have in all areas of life, affect our perceptions. Perceptions like the new ”flavor of the month” or the novelty, ought to be better than the “old” one… Or the sense that everything is disposable, because after all, I can always get a new upgraded version of what I have… It brings also the notion of “change,” that we have to look for change at all costs, because if we don’t, we may become obsolete or “passé.”

When it comes to our relationships, we seriously think that we have to be very cautious about the subtle effects of the “endless choices society” we live in. We think it’s time for all of us to make basic choices that will empower the relationships we cherish. The kind of choices that are not new, on the contrary, they are rooted, old fashioned choices, that define who we are, where we come from, and more importantly can remind the other person in the relationship, what we intend to continue to build upon.

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So you reached the dead end in your latest relationship. Again… To the extent that you’re now wondering if you’ll ever be with the right person. The truth is, if you’ve had one or more serious breakup, your journey to finding your perfect mate will likely require serious changes in the way you manage your love life. And the first one should be about your personal “laws.” Simply put, personal laws are a set of rules that highlight how special you are, and… that you won’t let any one break them! Here are 4 Personal Laws to Implement Before Looking For Your New Mate:

1. Zero tolerance for lies

The late Dr Maya Angelou had a wonderful saying: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” If someone you are dating lies to you about her age, employment, past relationships, or anything else, this is a RED FLAG! We believe there is no such thing as a “white lie” when you’re seeking to build a long-term relationship. A lie is a lie. Remember, too, whatever a relationship is built upon will determine what the whole relationship will be about.

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Remember, whatever a relationship is built upon will determine what the whole relationship will…
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2. Respect is a two-way street

Our space, our faith and our pace are to be honoured, not questioned. What does that mean? It means that you should both expect to respect one another’s circumstances if you want this to work. Do not be afraid to address your expectations, limitations and hopes for the relationship. In addition, seek to understand the expectations of the other party.

3. Meet each other’s meaningful people IN DUE TIME

Who are the meaningful people in your life? Do you want them to have a great first impression of your new flame? And what about you? Don’t you want to have the same impact on your mate’s meaningful people? What this rule states is that both partners should meet each other’s important people at a well-planned time and under appropriate conditions where there can be an authentic conversation. At the same time, keep in mind that there’s no need to rush things or to improvise impromptu meetings with those VIPs. Curb your enthusiasm.

 4. Don’t rush into intimacy before you’re ready

Postponing intimacy has become almost taboo in today’s society. Please understand that we’re not promoting abstinence here. Nor do we deny that physical attraction is one of the strongest forces of nature! What we’re saying is that a healthy sex life is certainly part of a successful relationship. Besides, if you’re in it for the long term, what’s the rush?

Of course there is no limit to personal laws. They can be anything you want. But if you are serious about building a long-term relationship, your personal laws, like any laws, have to be obeyed and should never be broken. They not only show others how much you love yourself, they also reinforce that you have clearly defined standards that you’re not willing to compromise. Personal laws emphasize that anything of great value deserves to be earned and handled with care.

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Principle #1: Have a Couple’s Vision
Couples with no compelling, aspirational and clear visions don’t tend to last. Of course you and us know several “unions” that have gone on for decades without any such thing. They’ve stuck (the verb seems appropriate here…) together in spite of passion, respect or love, for financial reasons, the kids or something else…

“Power Couples” all have a compelling, aspirational and clear vision of what they intend to aim for together. That’s what makes them stronger, inspire them to move forward and guard them against futile arguments that can turn into unproductive fights. Once you crystallized your vision, it will serve many purposes but the primary one will be to help you remember “why” you are together at the first place.

“Power Couples” all have a compelling, aspirational and clear vision of what they intend to aim…
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Principle #2: Taboo Talks
We all have taboos as individuals, stuff that we want to keep hidden under the rug for no one to see. Couples are no different, but when taboos remain unaddressed, they can turn any benign event into a big drama that could have been avoided in the first place. What are the taboos in your relationship? Is it a former lover? The fact that you are financially “better off” than your partner? Is it your kids versus hers? Or an unsatisfying sex life?

Whatever it is, unveil those taboos, talk about it and establish a satisfactory protocol between the two of you that will help you manage “potential dramas.” Such protocol could be as simple as saying:
“Hon, I think we are entering taboo territory here so let’s be cautious about what we are gonna say or do.”
It could also be:
“You know what, this (fill in the blank) is totally off limits for me. I just want you to be sensitive about it because I am not ready to address it.”

Wonder Woman and Superman Power Couple

Principle #3: Use a Conflicts Resolutions System
The verb “conflict” is often defined as “to come into collision.” We’re sure you’ve been there in your couple. The thing is, it’s so easy to get irrational when conflict arises. Our experience has been that real conflicts happen when an important decision, one that will ultimately affect the couple and/or the family, needs to be taken. Just to name a few, it could be a career change, the purchase of a new home or the necessity to have an elderly parent move-in with the family. While this may sound simplistic, we have learned to manage conflicts with scorecards. Yes scorecards! Allow us to share a personal example here.

We have bought two homes together. As it seems to always happen with a couple about to make such an important transaction, each time we both had slightly different visions for the whole thing. So we established a scoring system that helped us keep our emotions in check! We individually made a list of criterions that were important to us: size of the house, airport proximity, garage, swimming pool, price, type of community, lot size, age of the house, distance to golf course, municipal taxes, etc. We then reconciled our lists, agreed to put points next to each criterion and total them up. Each time we visited a house, we would score each of them individually and then share our result. We also established that if our scoring system totalled a maximum of 100 points, the “passing mark” for any house to be considered would have to be no less than 70 for BOTH OF US. That type of system has made wonders in our relationship, not only with our real estate transactions but also with any other major decisions for which we wanted to leave our emotions aside.

Principle #4: Set your Couples’ Laws
Even Power Couples quarrel from time to time. There is nothing damaging about it provided you have boundaries that will protect and not jeopardize your relationship. Think of them as “Couples’ Laws” that must be established ahead of time before any arguments arise. This prevents sentiments to blind you from the issue at hand. Examples of Couples’ Laws could be:

• We will not interrupt each other when one’s giving his/her perspective.
• It’s not about being right. It’s about getting to a common ground and resolve the problem.
• We will be respectful and weigh our words before unleashing them so we won’t regret saying them.
• Sometimes we will agree to disagree. This may mean we will step back, take the time to reflect and snooze on it a little…

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