5 Queries To Assess If You Are Rushing Into a Relationship
It’s been proven that the average smartphone is now millions of times more powerful than all of NASA’s combined computing of 1969. These technologies that we now carry in our pockets, allow us to do amazing things in lightning speed to improve our quality of life. Case in point: where would we be without apps like the Crazy HeliumBooth Funny Voice & Face Changer? We hear you. One can only worry about so much stuff in a single day…
The point is, we have come to a place in human history where we are used to get things INSTANTLY. From information, to goods and entertainment, to constant communication with our friends, and so on… Therefore, we naturally think everything needs to happen in a “fast and furious” fashion. So one can only ask, does the same mindset affect sentimental relationships nowadays? Or, if the intention is to eventually find and have a healthy, functional romantic relationship, should our “common day” expectations be different?
You see we consider the “unfolding pace” of a relationship to be very important, and, to play a significant role in its long-term success or failure. We also believe finding the ideal life partner requires more than wishful thinking or simply relying on a lucky “instantaneous” charm… Many critical factors need to come into play to get to a pleasing end result. Although no one can pretend owning the 100% Guaranteed Romantic Formula –and we certainly don’t; we remain strongly convinced that RUSHING into a relationship just because we have come to expect “fast outcomes” in everything, is just calling for trouble somewhere down the road.
The problem is, knowing if we are rushing things out can be unsettling. It’s not an easy thing to assess. However, questioning our “motives” can be very helpful. Here are 5 queries to assess if we are rushing into a relationship:
#1 Is it love or…infatuation?
Often in the early stages of a new relationship, those two feelings can be very confusing. The reality is too many of us end up blind folded and completely lost in the emotion of unreasoned desire. But we make a very clear distinction between the two feelings. Love, at its core, has critical ingredients: commitment and patience. So let’s not confuse the two. Infatuation is not love. It’s an emotional high without any commitment.
#2 Should I bring him or her to the extended family gathering?
Meaningful people in your life deserve befitting introductions. It’s as simple as that. So this should never be about convenience, meaning, “everybody will be there, might as well bring her/him” kind of thing. This is about doing what’s right for your meaningful people, e.g. your kids, best friends, siblings, etc. If they haven’t had the chance to get a proper introduction with your new flame yet, we think presenting them on the same level as your Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bob is just not right. It’s rushing things out because…if this is serious enough, there will be other occasions.
#3 Am I in a rebound relationship?
Are you an advocator of the “better get back on that horse quickly” mentality? In other words, are you jumping into a new relationship just to ease the pain from your previous one? If you haven`t taken the time to step back, and reflect on your past relationship, starting on a new one too soon will likely lead you to other disappointments.
#4 Am I isolating myself to avoid feedback?
It’s kind of normal to change our routines so to speak when we fall in love. All of a sudden we don’t see our best friends as often as we did before, just because… we’re in love! But here’s the question in case you missed it: are you ignoring your best friends to avoid their feedback? Is it because you are embarrassed or uncomfortable with him or her in public? Do you simply avoid social outings to spare you the confirmation that you already know deep down inside? If it’s the case, you already got your answer.
#5 Is it too soon to move in together?
Don’t think this one is too obvious. We’ve seen cases (and we insist on the plural here…) when a separation just occurred, and, the “ex” and the “new devotee” almost bumped into each other when moving out and…in! You think this is too soon? We are strong advocates of “doing things for the right reasons.” If you are still in the early stages of a relationship, moving in together because “it’s cheaper than maintaining 2 apartments” or “we’re always together anyway…” or “I could take care of the dog when he’s away on business,” all of those and more… are just not good enough reasons.