The point is, we have come to a place in human history where we are used to get things INSTANTLY.  From information, to goods and entertainment, to constant communication with our friends, and so on… Therefore, we naturally think everything needs to happen in a “fast and furious” fashion.  So one can only ask, does the same mindset affect sentimental relationships nowadays?  Or, if the intention is to eventually find and have a healthy, functional romantic relationship, should our “common day” expectations be different?

You see we consider the “unfolding pace” of a relationship to be very important, and, to play a significant role in its long-term success or failure. We also believe finding the ideal life partner requires more than wishful thinking or simply relying on a lucky “instantaneous” charm… Many critical factors need to come into play to get to a pleasing end result. Although no one can pretend owning the 100% Guaranteed Romantic Formula –and we certainly don’t; we remain strongly convinced that RUSHING into a relationship just because we have come to expect “fast outcomes” in everything, is just calling for trouble somewhere down the road.

The problem is, knowing if we are rushing things out can be unsettling. It’s not an easy thing to assess. However, questioning our “motives” can be very helpful. Here are 5 queries to assess if we are rushing into a relationship:

#1 Is it love or…infatuation?

Often in the early stages of a new relationship, those two feelings can be very confusing. The reality is too many of us end up blind folded and completely lost in the emotion of unreasoned desire. But we make a very clear distinction between the two feelings. Love, at its core, has critical ingredients: commitment and patience. So let’s not confuse the two. Infatuation is not love. It’s an emotional high without any commitment.

Love, at its core, has critical ingredients: commitment and patience.Infatuation is not love….
Click To Tweet

#2  Should I bring him or her to the extended family gathering?

Meaningful people in your life deserve befitting introductions. It’s as simple as that. So this should never be about convenience, meaning, “everybody will be there, might as well bring her/him” kind of thing. This is about doing what’s right for your meaningful people, e.g. your kids, best friends, siblings, etc. If they haven’t had the chance to get a proper introduction with your new flame yet, we think presenting them on the same level as your Aunt Jenny or Uncle Bob is just not right. It’s rushing things out because…if this is serious enough, there will be other occasions.

#3  Am I in a rebound relationship?

Are you an advocator of the “better get back on that horse quickly” mentality? In other words, are you jumping into a new relationship just to ease the pain from your previous one? If you haven`t taken the time to step back, and reflect on your past relationship, starting on a new one too soon will likely lead you to other disappointments.

#4  Am I isolating myself to avoid feedback?

It’s kind of normal to change our routines so to speak when we fall in love. All of a sudden we don’t see our best friends as often as we did before, just because… we’re in love! But here’s the question in case you missed it: are you ignoring your best friends to avoid their feedback? Is it because you are embarrassed or uncomfortable with him or her in public? Do you simply avoid social outings to spare you the confirmation that you already know deep down inside? If it’s the case, you already got your answer.

#5  Is it too soon to move in together?

Don’t think this one is too obvious. We’ve seen cases (and we insist on the plural here…) when a separation just occurred, and, the “ex” and the “new devotee” almost bumped into each other when moving out and…in! You think this is too soon? We are strong advocates of “doing things for the right reasons.” If you are still in the early stages of a relationship, moving in together because “it’s cheaper than maintaining 2 apartments” or “we’re always together anyway…” or “I could take care of the dog when he’s away on business,” all of those and more… are just not good enough reasons.

The post 5 Queries To Assess If You Are Rushing Into a Relationship appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

You see we often refer to the Inner Voice as a muscle, one that needs to be exercised and flexed in order to be effective. Think of it as a SPIRITUAL MUSCLE, a little chant that can sing to you loud and clear lyrics to help you avoid disastrous relationship situations.

But like any other muscle, it needs reps to become strong!  Believe it or not, the Mr. Universe Dude sitting next to you in the subway was not born with those big guns… He worked at it.

To become a “good inner voice listener,” we need to start to do just that.  We have to begin to focus on paying attention when a situation arises and… TRULY LISTEN! In other words, we have to do what the Collins Concise English Dictionary says: “concentrate on hearing something.”

The problem with the Inner Voice is that it sometimes speaks up in the most unexpected places and ways.  So how do we rep our Inner Voice? How can we make it stronger? Here are 5 Reps to Flex Your Inner Voice Muscle in a New Relationship:

#1 Stop Rushing. Step Back

We really need to do that before making a tough choice or decision. So, when you first start dating someone new, you want this to be the fine line between “being open” while not “getting overly enthusiastic.” Enthusiasm is good, but too much of it in that specific qualifying timing, can be the nays that will deafen the whispers of your inner voice. What we’ve learned through the years is this: whenever in doubt – we step back. We don’t rush. Precipitated decisions are the enemies of the Inner Voice. By the way, this applies to all areas of life.

Precipitated decisions are the enemies of Inner Voice. Whenever in doubt, step back, don’t rush.
Click To Tweet

#2  Go Back to previous Relationships

Are there some examples in your life when you’ve said: I should have, but didn’t…

Hindsight is 20/20. Most of us have been in situations at the early stages of a relationship, when we had signs, when things didn’t feel right, when red flags were all there, WAVING!!! … Yet we convinced ourselves and justify that he or she is the right person…. Unfortunately, too many of us chose to ignore the signs. Take the time to reflect on those past events and use them to know better the next time around.

#3  Don’t Justify

This one is kind of a first cousin of our #2 tip. Trying to convince ourselves or forcing things out when it just doesn’t feel right, is just counter productive. It doesn’t flex your inner voice muscle and makes it stronger. It atrophies it.

#4  Tune-in to God

For the Christians among us this is not a new concept. This doesn’t mean we should never use logic or analysis. But what it means is to be aware that God will use many persons, events and things that revolve in our “personal universe” to talk to us. Tuning-in to God, asking God for guidance is always a good place to start.

#5  Go to Your Inner Circle

People in your inner circle are the people who know everything about you: the good, the bad and the ugly. They’ve seen you on highs and lows. Go to them. Ask them to help you validate what your instinct or gut is telling you. But don’t do it suggesting answers to them! Open ended questions like “What do you think of…” or “When was the last time that…” are always good places to start.

Please also consider this. The inner voice is like our heartbeat. It works 24/7 for us. All the time. Shouldn’t you start to give it just a bit of attention? Are you truly listening?

The post 5 Reps to Flex Your INNER VOICE Muscle in a New Relationship appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Let’s be honest: Romantic relationships occupy a lot of space in most people’s lives. And rightfully so! A great majority of us long for stable, fulfilling relationships with a partner we can share our lives with. There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery. Here are 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the man-made environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Do you really think you can build a healthy, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no…
Click To Tweet

2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.
3-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

4- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

The post 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to steer clear of relationship roadblocks, even if a great majority of us long for a stable, peaceful and fulfilling relationship. And it seems even harder once we have experienced a serious heartbreak. So why does the quest to find a true life’s companion seem like Mission Impossible for so many? There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the manmade environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Opposites attract? Looking for someone who’s preferences/lifestyle R the opposite of yours is a…
Click To Tweet

2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.

3-Sex by the third date is the new normal

Nowadays it’s hard to know just what the expectation is around sex. Some expect it on the first date; some think each party should know by the third date if there’s a connection, and act on it. Frankly, there’s no such thing as a set timeline for having sexual encounters.

Never feel pressured by what others say is the “normal” timeframe. It’s your own decision, based on what feels right for you. And, it’s important to remember that anything of value is worth waiting for. Keep in mind that whatever a relationship is built upon determines how well it holds up. In other words, if you build a strong foundation based on friendship, respect and trust, you’ll know if the structure will crumble or hold up when you weigh sex.

4-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

5- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

The post 5 Ideas to Steer Clear of Relationship Roadblocks appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.