But aside from romance, did you know the true love fest undoubtedly resides with the “love merchants” of the world? Yes Honey! For all the confectionery makers, restaurant owners, flower shops keepers, jewelry artisans, greeting cards manufacturers, champagne producers, fragrance makers, etc.; Valentine’s Day really translates, in the U.S. alone, into 20 BILLION$ worth of love! That’s a lot of love and coincidentally, “V” Day happens to be just seven short weeks after the annual shopping peek: Christmas… How convenient!

We may sound satirical but make no mistake: we do see a lot of good with February’s red soaked date. Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t take second row behind other motivators…

Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t…
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So here are the 4 main challenges we see with “V” Day, whether you are in a relationship or you’re not:

1. If you are in a relationship and put so much emphasis on being covered with roses and chocolates every time Feb 14th comes along, doesn’t it tell a lot of what you ultimately value in the relationship? Or is this simply an indication that you are not feeling loved the rest of the year?

2. If you are NOT in a relationship and are heartbroken just at the thought of not having new pics to upload to your social media profile, are you truly looking for love or is feeling “acknowledged” by the crowd really what you are looking for?

3. If you are in one of those stormy relationships, with the two of you always fighting over the slightest details all year around, are you using Valentine’s Day as a cover up for your dysfunctional romance?

4. If you are NOT in a relationship and are feeling melancholic about previous February 14th celebrations, (you know the ones before he or she ran away?) well if it’s the case, isn’t this the time for you to move on? How long will you accept to get stuck in your past?

In a nutshell, we think that if you are alone on Valentine’s Day, you should not necessarily see this as a curse. You probably spared yourself an over priced bad dinner in an overbooked restaurant with an awful service provided by overstretched and stressed out waiters, with someone who’s maybe only sailing the love wave… Just smile and be happy. You’re worth more than that!

But if you have someone dear to your heart with whom you’ll be spending Feb. 14th with, here’s what we hope: that you also have your own special date(s) on the calendar that you commemorate, date(s) that are only yours to celebrate when you don’t need flower shops or chocolate makers to remind you how lucky you are to have that special person in your life.

P.S.: For the record, we both loooove flowers and chocolates!

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Let’s be honest: Romantic relationships occupy a lot of space in most people’s lives. And rightfully so! A great majority of us long for stable, fulfilling relationships with a partner we can share our lives with. There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery. Here are 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the man-made environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Do you really think you can build a healthy, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no…
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2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.
3-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

4- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

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Key fundamentals designed to help one to change one’s mindset on the path to finding a true love
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So you reached the dead end in your latest relationship. Again… To the extent that you’re now wondering if you’ll ever be with the right person. The truth is, if you’ve had one or more serious breakup, your journey to finding your perfect mate will likely require serious changes in the way you manage your love life. And the first one should be about your personal “laws.” Simply put, personal laws are a set of rules that highlight how special you are, and… that you won’t let any one break them! Here are 4 Personal Laws to Implement Before Looking For Your New Mate:

1. Zero tolerance for lies

The late Dr Maya Angelou had a wonderful saying: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” If someone you are dating lies to you about her age, employment, past relationships, or anything else, this is a RED FLAG! We believe there is no such thing as a “white lie” when you’re seeking to build a long-term relationship. A lie is a lie. Remember, too, whatever a relationship is built upon will determine what the whole relationship will be about.

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Remember, whatever a relationship is built upon will determine what the whole relationship will…
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2. Respect is a two-way street

Our space, our faith and our pace are to be honoured, not questioned. What does that mean? It means that you should both expect to respect one another’s circumstances if you want this to work. Do not be afraid to address your expectations, limitations and hopes for the relationship. In addition, seek to understand the expectations of the other party.

3. Meet each other’s meaningful people IN DUE TIME

Who are the meaningful people in your life? Do you want them to have a great first impression of your new flame? And what about you? Don’t you want to have the same impact on your mate’s meaningful people? What this rule states is that both partners should meet each other’s important people at a well-planned time and under appropriate conditions where there can be an authentic conversation. At the same time, keep in mind that there’s no need to rush things or to improvise impromptu meetings with those VIPs. Curb your enthusiasm.

 4. Don’t rush into intimacy before you’re ready

Postponing intimacy has become almost taboo in today’s society. Please understand that we’re not promoting abstinence here. Nor do we deny that physical attraction is one of the strongest forces of nature! What we’re saying is that a healthy sex life is certainly part of a successful relationship. Besides, if you’re in it for the long term, what’s the rush?

Of course there is no limit to personal laws. They can be anything you want. But if you are serious about building a long-term relationship, your personal laws, like any laws, have to be obeyed and should never be broken. They not only show others how much you love yourself, they also reinforce that you have clearly defined standards that you’re not willing to compromise. Personal laws emphasize that anything of great value deserves to be earned and handled with care.

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We believe there is one critical factor that often comes in the way of individuals venturing on the “romantic recovery path.” But it is so treacherous, so deceitful, that we like to refer to the phenomenon as the Impostor. This individual is very, very good at what he does and he finds sadistic pleasure in adapting his disguises, simply to deprive folks like us from one of our fundamental birthrights: the right to love and to be loved.

So who is that Impostor? Well, he’s a shorty. Just a four letters word: FEAR! But don’t get mislead by his diminutive stature. The fellow has proven time and time again that he can stall anyone who’s not watchful enough. As any great impostor, he uses several covers to achieve his means and deceive us. So let’s look at three of his most famous ones.

The FEAR of Being or Staying Alone
The Fear of Being or Staying Alone is nothing more than a lack of faith and a lack of confidence. The irony with this one is that people who get deceived by it are seldom alone! They typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why they can’t seem to find a lasting relationship. Yet, from one time to another, they expect different results… Our advice here is simple. Stop compromising. You should never settle because of the FEAR of Being or Staying Alone.

The FEAR of Rejection
This is one of our impostor’s favourite camouflage and one many of us have experienced first hand. Remember when you first went into that new school as a child? Or, when you had just moved to that new neighbourhood? Remember how badly you wanted to “be accepted” by the new kids you just met? And if they never “took you in,” because they said you were too fat or weird looking, the only thought of it probably still hurts years later… Well, many experts say that if you once experienced rejection as a child, you are very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. Including of course, your love life. It is one of our deepest human fears. FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, and they would rather stay alone than even try to find a suitable mate. If you feel you fall in that trap, think of this well-known acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, they would rather stay alone than even try to find…
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Kakorrhaphiophobia
Now this is some serious costume for any impostor and a most effective one for FEAR. Kakorrhaphiophobia is the fear of failure or defeat. The name is derived from the Greek phrase -kakos-, meaning bad and -phobos- meaning fear. In other words it is an intense, irrational fear of failure or defeat. According to many psychologists, individuals dealing with this phobia may fear failure from every angle of their life and should feel that they must constantly show themselves as being better, more in control and extra competent than others. A kakorrhaphiophobic individual might aggressively compete with peers, household members, co-workers and will obsessively seek acknowledgment of their achievements. What triggers the phobia? Specialists agree that a person suffering from Kakorrhaphiophobia has suffered a real-life trauma at some point in their life. Subsequently, when the phobic person confronts any scenario that even remotely reminds them of the trauma, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction. And they run for the bushes… So here’s our recommendation. If you recognized certain of your personal behaviours, we would strongly encourage you to seek counsel from an acknowledged therapist on this issue.

It’s important that we all acknowledge and accept this reality: FEAR is an illusion. It morphs, disguises itself into a mirage behind which we often hide to shy away from starting any new blissful relationship. Go ahead. Confront the Impostor in your life. But if you want to “fly away” from it all, do it for the right reasons!

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Well, it’s happened to many of us, and sadly, it is still more prevalent than we think. In a Great Britain survey, over a third of 1,500 adults sampled, admitted being married to the wrong person. Shocking isn’t it? But it gets worst…  In another research, 42% of people using the Tinder dating app said that they already had a partner but, just kept looking…

That got us thinking. How could we coach a couple that would come to us for help after realizing they fell in love with the “wrong person?” What if Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love?

What if Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love? Could they be compatible together?
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What If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love…

Here’s how we think the coaching session would go:

Mario: “How can we help you?”

Hillary: “Donald and I differ on too many issues now, and we both wonder if it can be reconciled. Quite frankly this is making me question if he’s the right partner for me.”

Diane: “Well this sounds like a very blunt assessment. Let’s start with you Donald. What do you think Hillary’s referring to?”

Donald: “I don’t know what she’s talking about. I think I’m a great partner. In fact if you knew me, you’d probably say that I’m among the best you’ve ever met. She’ll never have a better partner than me!”

Hillary: “Here we go again…”

Mario: “Okay, let’s try this… Donald, what would be your #1 reproach to Hillary?”

Donald: “I think she’s not transparent enough. It’s as if she has stuff she keeps hidden on a personal server somewhere…”

Hillary: “I told him many times that I will happily divulge anything he wants to see once he too unveils his personal stuff.”

Diane: “Alright then. What about you Hillary. What’s you top grievance with Donald?”

Hillary: “I never know where he stands. He speaks from both sides of his mouth and keeps changing his opinions all the time!”

Donald: “I never, never, do that. Believe me! I’m just showing flexibility at times, that’s all. Hillary is not a flexible person. Believe me!”

Hillary: “See how he is? He’s very condescending with women to say the least…”

Donald: “She keeps playing that women card with me. She knows NOBODY respects women more than me. NOBODY. I think because she’s part of the establishment, she’s used to get it her way all the time.”

Diane: “Wow… Let’s try the gentleness side of things… Couples all have cute loving nicknames they like to use with one another in their intimacy. I’m curious to know yours. Hillary, how do call Donald?”

Hillary: “The Apprentice.”

Donald: “I like to call her Crooked.”

Mario: “Okay guys, it seems like we’ll have to leave your disagreements aside for now. But before you had your differences, there must have been something you guys agreed upon, something both of you wanted to have. What was it?”

Hillary: “Well we wanted a better future for ourselves.”

Donald: “Yes, ‘Make Our Lives Great Again’!”

Hillary: “Yes! And we both had this dream for a new home. You know a nice house all painted in white with an iron fence around it… Then, he changed his mind like he always does, and decided he would build a wall instead of the fence to protect us from immigrants and Muslims… And he wanted me to pay for it! That’s when things started to go sour.”

Donald: “Yep, I remember. That was bad. Worst than a bad hair day…”

Diane: “So you’re done with your “white house” dream?”

Hillary: “Oh hell no! I still want it! But I’d rather move in with a womanizer than a racist!”

Donald: “I continue to think the wall is a great idea. Anyway, we may have to go through an amicable split, but I still want my “white house” too.  And I’ll have it with someone who truly appreciates my interior design taste. You know I have the greatest interior design taste don’t you? I mean the GREATEST! Have you seen pictures of Mar-a-Lago?”

Mario: “Thank you guys, I think we’ll call it a day…”

*******

Nobody ever said that individuals needed to be identical in order to have a functional relationship. In fact we believe a “Hillary / Donald” type of couple could be viable, provided both parties have a deep understanding of Who They Are and What They Are Looking For. When we have that in place, it shields us from making 2 major mistakes:

1. Being blinded by someone’s true colors. 
2. Getting involved with somebody so “alien,” that He/She will eventually look to us like a different specie.

Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes, 1968, 20th Century Fox

And just to be clear, this is not about tastes. Tastes are always arbitrary. After all, who’s to say vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate? And this is not about novelty either. Novelty is good, but at one point, every novelty becomes obsolete. Remember iTunes?

So to have a long lasting, blissful relationship, let’s all think Love Match rather than Mismatch. The first step as we highlighted above is to understand Who You Are. This will require a bit of work, but it is highly important to help you recognize your Love Match or reconcile any differences in your existing couple.  Take some time to identify the 4 areas that define Who You Are: your Gratitudes, your Beliefs, your Values and your Priorities. We call that your GBVPs.

As a second step, make a list of What You’re Looking For of your next partner. If you already have, it’s worth going back to your list and check if it is still relevant! If you haven’t, try to be as precise as possible. And one last thing: go beyond the physical attributes of the person because that’s often how we tend to get blinded… Beauty is highly important but it transcends body features.

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This is a true story. A few weeks ago, I was asked to share my views with the editor of a popular blog platform on the “unwanted effects of divorce” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on.”  In other words, they wanted to know my separation recovery recipe.

After browsing the web for a few hours, I decided to step outside to do a bit of work around the house, but mainly, to digest what my main findings were. This is something I do on a regular basis, not the manual work (trust me on this…), but the habit of getting away from my desk after a while to let my brain do the processing.

As I was weeding out our driveway, the UPS truck showed up with a delivery. We order a lot of stuff online from shoes to clothing, so this was not an unusual event. However, what unfolded after really was one of those “omen” moments.

Through the years, I had seen that UPS driver dozens of times in our neighbourhood and pulling in front of our house. Aside from the customary nods or “thank you’s,” him and I had never engaged in a real conversation. That particular afternoon though, after I had buried my head in all sorts of divorce data, out of the blue my “new friend” started to share some very personal stuff with me. He confessed that  “his wife of 30+ years” had recently left him. According to his version of things -I never got to hear the other party- this was something he had never seen coming, and thus, was completely devastated…

It is a situation a lot more common than most people think. A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, correlates that about two thirds of divorces in the United States are initiated by women. Many other studies in the U.K. show percentages as high as 72% for a “female initiated divorce.” Of course experts have examined all kinds of gendered, cultural and societal data to try to explain their findings, but the fact remains: many men find themselves facing an unwanted divorce or separation.

Apart from encouraging him and wishing him all the best, I didn’t do any coaching with the Delivery Man that afternoon. He had a route to cater to and I had to continue to battle the weeds infestation… But I have worked with a good bunch of men who fit his profile. Do you want to know what they have in common? Aside from the obvious pain that they all partake, the unifying thread I found with most of them is one that still baffles me whenever hear it: THEY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING! And they say this with convincing emotions! They had no clue the relationship was in jeopardy so this divorce/separation “thing” came in as a total surprise.

So the question is:
Are divorces or separations more difficult for a man or for a woman?

No it’s not. We strongly believe the pain is not limited to, or more intense for a specific gender. However, what we agree with is that “the unwanted effects of divorce/separation” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on,” depends heavily on this: how one can muster the courage to look at oneself with the utmost honesty.

Those are the most important ingredients to overcome such situations: COURAGE and HONESTY. That’s why you’ll find them in each of this 3-Course Meal Separation Recovery Recipe.

1st Course: Denial Is Only Denying You

Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to read this carefully if you’re amongst the
“I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING GUYS…”
Maybe you heard him or her saying on the way out “It’s not you…It’s me.” And you bought that. So perhaps you’ve been repeating to your pals and to yourself:
“We had it all! We had the perfect relationship!”
Listen, you did not. Because He or She left! There were clues. There’s always “writing on the wall.” Bottom line is this: you lived in denial.

Deep down, you knew something was off. But you chose to look the other way. You chose to deny it, and because you did, now you still make the same decision to carry on with it. You keep on saying, “I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING.” Stop the denial. The time has come for you to look at your own behaviour in that relationship and take responsibility. It’s about owning and understanding your behaviour. Look back at the clues and ask yourself “What could I have done to prevent this?” Here’s a starting hint: ADDRESSING a situation will ALWAYS improve your outcome rather than IGNORING it. Denial is only Denying You.

Rather than IGNORING, ADDRESS the situation. Denial is only Denying You.
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2nd Course: Stop The Blaming Game

We find that too many of us get stuck in our past. We play what we call the blaming game. We’re very good at blaming ourselves and blaming the others or the circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that THIS IS NOT ABOUT the OTHER or the CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS IS ABOUT YOU, so it means taking responsibility for your results.

In order to move ahead with our lives, at one point we need to learn to forgive ourselves or the other for whatever happened. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do. It’s sometimes really hard, but understand that forgiveness does not mean that what the person did is not wrong, or that we have to transform our Ex into our BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing… What it means is, when we take responsibility and we forgive ourselves first, we are in fact giving ourselves permission to move forward. Forgiveness is our Free Pass to Love!
Stop the Blaming Game.

3rd Course: Let Go And Let God

You heard that one before and although we can’t take the credit for it, this is one we use not only in our coaching but in our personal lives as well. Whether we like it or not, there are things in this life that are totally out of our control, things that we just don’t understand. Maybe you did have the “perfect deal” with your now ex-mate. Perhaps there is nothing you could have done to prevent the breakup. Why don’t you turn to God and let Him carry the load?

Our experience has been that when we do, when we accept that we’re only human and that we need Divine Intervention, with time not only does it lead us to a place of peacefulness, it also gives us the responses we just could not see before, and, it shows us why we had to live through certain things. We hope it can be the same for you. Let Go and Let God.

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We know… this is in direct contradiction with what today’s society is preaching.We live in a world of instant gratification. We carry amazing technologies in our pockets that allow us to do things and get information in light speed fashion like never before. So naturally, we think that everything needs to be faster and quick. Our TV programming is filled with “reality” talent shows that convey the idea that we can become a superstar overnight! From nobody, doing stuff by ourselves with our selfie camera in a living room, to having our face plastered on the marquee of a Las Vegas strip casino! But does it really work that way?

Think further about our example. The truth about those million dollar act winners is that they are everything but an “overnight” success. They are masters. They’ve been working at their craft, diligently and persistently… forever! Everything they do was carefully planned and thought of long in advance, leading them to develop a system, a methodology that they have turned into a masterpiece. ALWAYS. Trust us on this. There is no such thing as an overnight Maestro. So when we want our love life to be a masterpiece, why should we approach it differently?

Regardless of our age, gender, situation, or how many heartbreaks we may have had, if we truly want to find a long-lasting blissful relationship, this will likely involve a serious mindset shift on our part. It will necessitate learning new skills, and putting together a methodology, a new process towards love mastery. It will also entail the understanding that “process” takes “time”.

If you are ready to move, because for you, good is just “ain’t good enough” anymore; here’s our 10 Strategies To Shift Your Love Life From good to GREAT.

1. Choose No Compromise

Make the choice of not settling anymore for anything less than what you truly want your next relationship to be. May sound simplistic, but it starts there.

2. Establish Your Self-Worth

Get to know who you are. Not what you do for a living, not who you vote for, not your ethnic background, etc. Find out the real you by going within. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for, what you believe in, things you value and last but not least, what you prioritize in your life.

3. Take Stock Of Your Love-Worth

Who’s gonna love you if you don’t? Filter through your Self-Worth answers, then determine and understand what makes you vibrate! When we take stock of what matters to us, what we truly care about, we take stock of our love-worth.

4. Forgiveness Is Your Free Pass To Love

Are you holding grudge against anyone? Perhaps your own self? The plain truth is you have to stop looking backwards if you want to move forward. You have to forgive to be forgiven and be set free!

5. Be Clear On What You Want

What is it that you want of your next relationship? Note that we did not drill it down to a person yet. This is about the relationship, the whole package made up by two individuals, which obviously includes you! From there, drill it down to what you would like your next partner to be. The more details the better. Clarity is Power.

What is it that you want of your next relationship? The more details the better. Clarity is Power.
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6. Generate The “Well-Thought…Thoughts”

There are actually two full chapters in our book on that topic, so we won’t be able to explain it in full details here. In a nutshell, this is where you get to flex your IQ (Imagination Quotient) to start attracting your ideal life partner. It is a 5 steps process:

1. Clarifying
2. Intentioning
3. Believing
4. Thanking
5. Attracting

7. Run A Tight Ship

This is the 1^st step to help you qualify if an individual can be “the one” you’ve been looking for. This means your expectations for the “relationship to be” should be clear for you and the other person. Act with leadership and decisiveness.

8. Choose Carefully Who Gets In Your Domain

You are the CEO of your domain. As you resume dating, you will need to show up prepared for your first “meetings” with the individual, just as any good CEO would do. At this stage, improvisation will only stall and deviate you from your process.

9. Enforce Your Personal Laws

These are the non-negotiable, non-breakable laws or rules that you state for yourself to ensure that you are moving along with the right person. They scream loudly how much you love yourself, they reinforce that you are priceless, and thus, not willing to compromise your own self just to be with someone. Personal Laws emphasize that anything of great value deserves to be handled with care. Go ahead make a list and stick to them.

10. Do Your Homework

We understand all of the above could be hard to register at times. If you haven’t already, we encourage you to download the free templates available on this website to help you complete some of the exercises highlighted in this post.

ReLovenshiply yours!

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No one wants to get close to the “F” word in one’s romantic life. Yes, “Failure” is one of those words that can activate all of our senses in a flip of a second. We Don’t Wanna See It; Don’t Wanna Hear It or Don’t Wanna Touch It… Just the thought of It gives us nausea! And the smell… PLEASE!  So how can you kill the “F” word to move on in your romantic life?  

Before we answer the question, let’s define “romantic failures.” As aching as they are, we believe they need to be examined with a different set of eyeglasses. Look, we know it hurts, but there is an old quote that says:

Does this mean LOVE is a game of trial and error? Not necessarily. Hey, some nail it on their first attempt while many of us have bitten the dust a few times. Same was true in school remember? You busted your butt studying for the exam only to get a “C-“ (or worst… an “F”!) while your friend admittedly spent no time and got the “A+”… That’s just the way it is.

Therefore, we strongly think the so-called “romantic failures” should rather be looked at as “romantic setbacks.” Truly. A Romantic Setback can be an opportunity for a Life Changing Comeback. But like any worthwhile journey, the change can only be made when we take it step-by-step.

1. Draw A Portrait

Law Enforcement Squads do that all over the world when they chase down the bad guys. First, they analyze the crime scene with minute details. Then, they ask the Police Sketch Artist to get to work and draw what is known as a “facial composite.” They’ll also bring Shrinks in to analyze crime patterns. In a nutshell, they’ll make up as precise a portrait as they can of the individual they wish to one day take off the streets. If we “failed” more than once in our love life, why don’t we do the same, to make sure he/she gets the heck off our street? Why don’t we make a portrait of the type of person we keep falling for? What does he or she look like? What was I attracted to at the beginning? Where did we meet? Etc.

2. Become A Master

Some say, “If you wanna get better, you gotta work on your weaknesses.” We think this is good advice, if in fact, all you’re looking for is to “get better.” However, if you want to MASTER your love life, what we say is, “Copy the MASTERS, Focus on Your Strengths.” The top entertainers, business moguls, sports athletes, and so on; the ones that make it at the very top of their respective field do just that. They focus on their strengths to make them even stronger! Because that’s what sets them apart as MASTERS!
So what are your biggest strengths and attributes in a relationship? How can you make them stronger?

If we want to MASTER our love life, we need to ACT LIKE MASTERS and FOCUS ON OUR STRENGTHS
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3. Take Ownership

We should always be looking for internal factors rather than external ones whenever we try to assess “what happened?” In other words, we need to take a close look at our own behaviour in the relationship rather than considering only the other party’s behaviour.
Listen. We know he was a jerk……. We understand she betrayed you…….
However, will he or she help you to move forward now? Of course not! So we need to be able to Take Ownership and ask ourselves the tough questions. Questions like: “What is it that I did to bring me to where I am? When did I first know things were going sour? What could I have done to prevent this?” Etc.

4. Try Gratefulness

Yes you heard that one many times before… but it’s true! Here’s the deal though: you can’t be phony. You have to be TRUE. Again we understand this is easier said than done. The plain truth is, sometimes we have to get mad before we can ever find the place of gratefulness.
So what is it that I am mad about? Is it the financial debts? Ok. Separation costs can be bitchy.
Is it that he left me for my “best friend?” Ouch… and Re-Ouch…
Or, is it that I feel I lost X good years of my life? That’s a tough one too. Time is the only non-renewable commodity we all have.
Whatever it is that we are mad about, we have to acknowledge it first. Brushing it under the rug will only deprive us from the invaluable teaching lessons we can find in each of our frustrations. Then, and only then, can we start to try to be TRULY grateful for what we experienced. Like it or not, there was some good stuff in there.

5. Practice Forgiveness

This one is First Cousin with our #4 step. You know the “mad stuff” we talked about? Thing is, we can’t carry that stuff forever. It’s just a too heavy load! Too many of us get stuck in our past. We keep playing the blaming game. We’re very good at blaming ourselves, others or circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that if you want to kill the “F” word to move on in your romantic life, we need to learn to forgive ourselves, or the others, for whatever happened. Understand that forgiveness does not mean we have to make of our Ex our new BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing. What it means is, when we forgive, we are giving ourselves permission to move forward and love again.

The post 5 Steps To Kill The “F” Word And Move On In Your Romantic Life appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to steer clear of relationship roadblocks, even if a great majority of us long for a stable, peaceful and fulfilling relationship. And it seems even harder once we have experienced a serious heartbreak. So why does the quest to find a true life’s companion seem like Mission Impossible for so many? There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the manmade environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Opposites attract? Looking for someone who’s preferences/lifestyle R the opposite of yours is a…
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2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.

3-Sex by the third date is the new normal

Nowadays it’s hard to know just what the expectation is around sex. Some expect it on the first date; some think each party should know by the third date if there’s a connection, and act on it. Frankly, there’s no such thing as a set timeline for having sexual encounters.

Never feel pressured by what others say is the “normal” timeframe. It’s your own decision, based on what feels right for you. And, it’s important to remember that anything of value is worth waiting for. Keep in mind that whatever a relationship is built upon determines how well it holds up. In other words, if you build a strong foundation based on friendship, respect and trust, you’ll know if the structure will crumble or hold up when you weigh sex.

4-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

5- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

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