The Words of ReLovenship epitomize what its whole process is all about.
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We believe there is one critical factor that often comes in the way of individuals venturing on the “romantic recovery path.” But it is so treacherous, so deceitful, that we like to refer to the phenomenon as the Impostor. This individual is very, very good at what he does and he finds sadistic pleasure in adapting his disguises, simply to deprive folks like us from one of our fundamental birthrights: the right to love and to be loved.

So who is that Impostor? Well, he’s a shorty. Just a four letters word: FEAR! But don’t get mislead by his diminutive stature. The fellow has proven time and time again that he can stall anyone who’s not watchful enough. As any great impostor, he uses several covers to achieve his means and deceive us. So let’s look at three of his most famous ones.

The FEAR of Being or Staying Alone
The Fear of Being or Staying Alone is nothing more than a lack of faith and a lack of confidence. The irony with this one is that people who get deceived by it are seldom alone! They typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why they can’t seem to find a lasting relationship. Yet, from one time to another, they expect different results… Our advice here is simple. Stop compromising. You should never settle because of the FEAR of Being or Staying Alone.

The FEAR of Rejection
This is one of our impostor’s favourite camouflage and one many of us have experienced first hand. Remember when you first went into that new school as a child? Or, when you had just moved to that new neighbourhood? Remember how badly you wanted to “be accepted” by the new kids you just met? And if they never “took you in,” because they said you were too fat or weird looking, the only thought of it probably still hurts years later… Well, many experts say that if you once experienced rejection as a child, you are very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. Including of course, your love life. It is one of our deepest human fears. FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, and they would rather stay alone than even try to find a suitable mate. If you feel you fall in that trap, think of this well-known acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, they would rather stay alone than even try to find…
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Kakorrhaphiophobia
Now this is some serious costume for any impostor and a most effective one for FEAR. Kakorrhaphiophobia is the fear of failure or defeat. The name is derived from the Greek phrase -kakos-, meaning bad and -phobos- meaning fear. In other words it is an intense, irrational fear of failure or defeat. According to many psychologists, individuals dealing with this phobia may fear failure from every angle of their life and should feel that they must constantly show themselves as being better, more in control and extra competent than others. A kakorrhaphiophobic individual might aggressively compete with peers, household members, co-workers and will obsessively seek acknowledgment of their achievements. What triggers the phobia? Specialists agree that a person suffering from Kakorrhaphiophobia has suffered a real-life trauma at some point in their life. Subsequently, when the phobic person confronts any scenario that even remotely reminds them of the trauma, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction. And they run for the bushes… So here’s our recommendation. If you recognized certain of your personal behaviours, we would strongly encourage you to seek counsel from an acknowledged therapist on this issue.

It’s important that we all acknowledge and accept this reality: FEAR is an illusion. It morphs, disguises itself into a mirage behind which we often hide to shy away from starting any new blissful relationship. Go ahead. Confront the Impostor in your life. But if you want to “fly away” from it all, do it for the right reasons!

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Well, it’s happened to many of us, and sadly, it is still more prevalent than we think. In a Great Britain survey, over a third of 1,500 adults sampled, admitted being married to the wrong person. Shocking isn’t it? But it gets worst…  In another research, 42% of people using the Tinder dating app said that they already had a partner but, just kept looking…

That got us thinking. How could we coach a couple that would come to us for help after realizing they fell in love with the “wrong person?” What if Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love?

What if Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love? Could they be compatible together?
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What If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump fell in love…

Here’s how we think the coaching session would go:

Mario: “How can we help you?”

Hillary: “Donald and I differ on too many issues now, and we both wonder if it can be reconciled. Quite frankly this is making me question if he’s the right partner for me.”

Diane: “Well this sounds like a very blunt assessment. Let’s start with you Donald. What do you think Hillary’s referring to?”

Donald: “I don’t know what she’s talking about. I think I’m a great partner. In fact if you knew me, you’d probably say that I’m among the best you’ve ever met. She’ll never have a better partner than me!”

Hillary: “Here we go again…”

Mario: “Okay, let’s try this… Donald, what would be your #1 reproach to Hillary?”

Donald: “I think she’s not transparent enough. It’s as if she has stuff she keeps hidden on a personal server somewhere…”

Hillary: “I told him many times that I will happily divulge anything he wants to see once he too unveils his personal stuff.”

Diane: “Alright then. What about you Hillary. What’s you top grievance with Donald?”

Hillary: “I never know where he stands. He speaks from both sides of his mouth and keeps changing his opinions all the time!”

Donald: “I never, never, do that. Believe me! I’m just showing flexibility at times, that’s all. Hillary is not a flexible person. Believe me!”

Hillary: “See how he is? He’s very condescending with women to say the least…”

Donald: “She keeps playing that women card with me. She knows NOBODY respects women more than me. NOBODY. I think because she’s part of the establishment, she’s used to get it her way all the time.”

Diane: “Wow… Let’s try the gentleness side of things… Couples all have cute loving nicknames they like to use with one another in their intimacy. I’m curious to know yours. Hillary, how do call Donald?”

Hillary: “The Apprentice.”

Donald: “I like to call her Crooked.”

Mario: “Okay guys, it seems like we’ll have to leave your disagreements aside for now. But before you had your differences, there must have been something you guys agreed upon, something both of you wanted to have. What was it?”

Hillary: “Well we wanted a better future for ourselves.”

Donald: “Yes, ‘Make Our Lives Great Again’!”

Hillary: “Yes! And we both had this dream for a new home. You know a nice house all painted in white with an iron fence around it… Then, he changed his mind like he always does, and decided he would build a wall instead of the fence to protect us from immigrants and Muslims… And he wanted me to pay for it! That’s when things started to go sour.”

Donald: “Yep, I remember. That was bad. Worst than a bad hair day…”

Diane: “So you’re done with your “white house” dream?”

Hillary: “Oh hell no! I still want it! But I’d rather move in with a womanizer than a racist!”

Donald: “I continue to think the wall is a great idea. Anyway, we may have to go through an amicable split, but I still want my “white house” too.  And I’ll have it with someone who truly appreciates my interior design taste. You know I have the greatest interior design taste don’t you? I mean the GREATEST! Have you seen pictures of Mar-a-Lago?”

Mario: “Thank you guys, I think we’ll call it a day…”

*******

Nobody ever said that individuals needed to be identical in order to have a functional relationship. In fact we believe a “Hillary / Donald” type of couple could be viable, provided both parties have a deep understanding of Who They Are and What They Are Looking For. When we have that in place, it shields us from making 2 major mistakes:

1. Being blinded by someone’s true colors. 
2. Getting involved with somebody so “alien,” that He/She will eventually look to us like a different specie.

Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes, 1968, 20th Century Fox

And just to be clear, this is not about tastes. Tastes are always arbitrary. After all, who’s to say vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate? And this is not about novelty either. Novelty is good, but at one point, every novelty becomes obsolete. Remember iTunes?

So to have a long lasting, blissful relationship, let’s all think Love Match rather than Mismatch. The first step as we highlighted above is to understand Who You Are. This will require a bit of work, but it is highly important to help you recognize your Love Match or reconcile any differences in your existing couple.  Take some time to identify the 4 areas that define Who You Are: your Gratitudes, your Beliefs, your Values and your Priorities. We call that your GBVPs.

As a second step, make a list of What You’re Looking For of your next partner. If you already have, it’s worth going back to your list and check if it is still relevant! If you haven’t, try to be as precise as possible. And one last thing: go beyond the physical attributes of the person because that’s often how we tend to get blinded… Beauty is highly important but it transcends body features.

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This is a true story. A few weeks ago, I was asked to share my views with the editor of a popular blog platform on the “unwanted effects of divorce” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on.”  In other words, they wanted to know my separation recovery recipe.

After browsing the web for a few hours, I decided to step outside to do a bit of work around the house, but mainly, to digest what my main findings were. This is something I do on a regular basis, not the manual work (trust me on this…), but the habit of getting away from my desk after a while to let my brain do the processing.

As I was weeding out our driveway, the UPS truck showed up with a delivery. We order a lot of stuff online from shoes to clothing, so this was not an unusual event. However, what unfolded after really was one of those “omen” moments.

Through the years, I had seen that UPS driver dozens of times in our neighbourhood and pulling in front of our house. Aside from the customary nods or “thank you’s,” him and I had never engaged in a real conversation. That particular afternoon though, after I had buried my head in all sorts of divorce data, out of the blue my “new friend” started to share some very personal stuff with me. He confessed that  “his wife of 30+ years” had recently left him. According to his version of things -I never got to hear the other party- this was something he had never seen coming, and thus, was completely devastated…

It is a situation a lot more common than most people think. A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, correlates that about two thirds of divorces in the United States are initiated by women. Many other studies in the U.K. show percentages as high as 72% for a “female initiated divorce.” Of course experts have examined all kinds of gendered, cultural and societal data to try to explain their findings, but the fact remains: many men find themselves facing an unwanted divorce or separation.

Apart from encouraging him and wishing him all the best, I didn’t do any coaching with the Delivery Man that afternoon. He had a route to cater to and I had to continue to battle the weeds infestation… But I have worked with a good bunch of men who fit his profile. Do you want to know what they have in common? Aside from the obvious pain that they all partake, the unifying thread I found with most of them is one that still baffles me whenever hear it: THEY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING! And they say this with convincing emotions! They had no clue the relationship was in jeopardy so this divorce/separation “thing” came in as a total surprise.

So the question is:
Are divorces or separations more difficult for a man or for a woman?

No it’s not. We strongly believe the pain is not limited to, or more intense for a specific gender. However, what we agree with is that “the unwanted effects of divorce/separation” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on,” depends heavily on this: how one can muster the courage to look at oneself with the utmost honesty.

Those are the most important ingredients to overcome such situations: COURAGE and HONESTY. That’s why you’ll find them in each of this 3-Course Meal Separation Recovery Recipe.

1st Course: Denial Is Only Denying You

Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to read this carefully if you’re amongst the
“I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING GUYS…”
Maybe you heard him or her saying on the way out “It’s not you…It’s me.” And you bought that. So perhaps you’ve been repeating to your pals and to yourself:
“We had it all! We had the perfect relationship!”
Listen, you did not. Because He or She left! There were clues. There’s always “writing on the wall.” Bottom line is this: you lived in denial.

Deep down, you knew something was off. But you chose to look the other way. You chose to deny it, and because you did, now you still make the same decision to carry on with it. You keep on saying, “I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING.” Stop the denial. The time has come for you to look at your own behaviour in that relationship and take responsibility. It’s about owning and understanding your behaviour. Look back at the clues and ask yourself “What could I have done to prevent this?” Here’s a starting hint: ADDRESSING a situation will ALWAYS improve your outcome rather than IGNORING it. Denial is only Denying You.

Rather than IGNORING, ADDRESS the situation. Denial is only Denying You.
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2nd Course: Stop The Blaming Game

We find that too many of us get stuck in our past. We play what we call the blaming game. We’re very good at blaming ourselves and blaming the others or the circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that THIS IS NOT ABOUT the OTHER or the CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS IS ABOUT YOU, so it means taking responsibility for your results.

In order to move ahead with our lives, at one point we need to learn to forgive ourselves or the other for whatever happened. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do. It’s sometimes really hard, but understand that forgiveness does not mean that what the person did is not wrong, or that we have to transform our Ex into our BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing… What it means is, when we take responsibility and we forgive ourselves first, we are in fact giving ourselves permission to move forward. Forgiveness is our Free Pass to Love!
Stop the Blaming Game.

3rd Course: Let Go And Let God

You heard that one before and although we can’t take the credit for it, this is one we use not only in our coaching but in our personal lives as well. Whether we like it or not, there are things in this life that are totally out of our control, things that we just don’t understand. Maybe you did have the “perfect deal” with your now ex-mate. Perhaps there is nothing you could have done to prevent the breakup. Why don’t you turn to God and let Him carry the load?

Our experience has been that when we do, when we accept that we’re only human and that we need Divine Intervention, with time not only does it lead us to a place of peacefulness, it also gives us the responses we just could not see before, and, it shows us why we had to live through certain things. We hope it can be the same for you. Let Go and Let God.

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We know… this is in direct contradiction with what today’s society is preaching.We live in a world of instant gratification. We carry amazing technologies in our pockets that allow us to do things and get information in light speed fashion like never before. So naturally, we think that everything needs to be faster and quick. Our TV programming is filled with “reality” talent shows that convey the idea that we can become a superstar overnight! From nobody, doing stuff by ourselves with our selfie camera in a living room, to having our face plastered on the marquee of a Las Vegas strip casino! But does it really work that way?

Think further about our example. The truth about those million dollar act winners is that they are everything but an “overnight” success. They are masters. They’ve been working at their craft, diligently and persistently… forever! Everything they do was carefully planned and thought of long in advance, leading them to develop a system, a methodology that they have turned into a masterpiece. ALWAYS. Trust us on this. There is no such thing as an overnight Maestro. So when we want our love life to be a masterpiece, why should we approach it differently?

Regardless of our age, gender, situation, or how many heartbreaks we may have had, if we truly want to find a long-lasting blissful relationship, this will likely involve a serious mindset shift on our part. It will necessitate learning new skills, and putting together a methodology, a new process towards love mastery. It will also entail the understanding that “process” takes “time”.

If you are ready to move, because for you, good is just “ain’t good enough” anymore; here’s our 10 Strategies To Shift Your Love Life From good to GREAT.

1. Choose No Compromise

Make the choice of not settling anymore for anything less than what you truly want your next relationship to be. May sound simplistic, but it starts there.

2. Establish Your Self-Worth

Get to know who you are. Not what you do for a living, not who you vote for, not your ethnic background, etc. Find out the real you by going within. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for, what you believe in, things you value and last but not least, what you prioritize in your life.

3. Take Stock Of Your Love-Worth

Who’s gonna love you if you don’t? Filter through your Self-Worth answers, then determine and understand what makes you vibrate! When we take stock of what matters to us, what we truly care about, we take stock of our love-worth.

4. Forgiveness Is Your Free Pass To Love

Are you holding grudge against anyone? Perhaps your own self? The plain truth is you have to stop looking backwards if you want to move forward. You have to forgive to be forgiven and be set free!

5. Be Clear On What You Want

What is it that you want of your next relationship? Note that we did not drill it down to a person yet. This is about the relationship, the whole package made up by two individuals, which obviously includes you! From there, drill it down to what you would like your next partner to be. The more details the better. Clarity is Power.

What is it that you want of your next relationship? The more details the better. Clarity is Power.
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6. Generate The “Well-Thought…Thoughts”

There are actually two full chapters in our book on that topic, so we won’t be able to explain it in full details here. In a nutshell, this is where you get to flex your IQ (Imagination Quotient) to start attracting your ideal life partner. It is a 5 steps process:

1. Clarifying
2. Intentioning
3. Believing
4. Thanking
5. Attracting

7. Run A Tight Ship

This is the 1^st step to help you qualify if an individual can be “the one” you’ve been looking for. This means your expectations for the “relationship to be” should be clear for you and the other person. Act with leadership and decisiveness.

8. Choose Carefully Who Gets In Your Domain

You are the CEO of your domain. As you resume dating, you will need to show up prepared for your first “meetings” with the individual, just as any good CEO would do. At this stage, improvisation will only stall and deviate you from your process.

9. Enforce Your Personal Laws

These are the non-negotiable, non-breakable laws or rules that you state for yourself to ensure that you are moving along with the right person. They scream loudly how much you love yourself, they reinforce that you are priceless, and thus, not willing to compromise your own self just to be with someone. Personal Laws emphasize that anything of great value deserves to be handled with care. Go ahead make a list and stick to them.

10. Do Your Homework

We understand all of the above could be hard to register at times. If you haven’t already, we encourage you to download the free templates available on this website to help you complete some of the exercises highlighted in this post.

ReLovenshiply yours!

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No one wants to get close to the “F” word in one’s romantic life. Yes, “Failure” is one of those words that can activate all of our senses in a flip of a second. We Don’t Wanna See It; Don’t Wanna Hear It or Don’t Wanna Touch It… Just the thought of It gives us nausea! And the smell… PLEASE!  So how can you kill the “F” word to move on in your romantic life?  

Before we answer the question, let’s define “romantic failures.” As aching as they are, we believe they need to be examined with a different set of eyeglasses. Look, we know it hurts, but there is an old quote that says:

Does this mean LOVE is a game of trial and error? Not necessarily. Hey, some nail it on their first attempt while many of us have bitten the dust a few times. Same was true in school remember? You busted your butt studying for the exam only to get a “C-“ (or worst… an “F”!) while your friend admittedly spent no time and got the “A+”… That’s just the way it is.

Therefore, we strongly think the so-called “romantic failures” should rather be looked at as “romantic setbacks.” Truly. A Romantic Setback can be an opportunity for a Life Changing Comeback. But like any worthwhile journey, the change can only be made when we take it step-by-step.

1. Draw A Portrait

Law Enforcement Squads do that all over the world when they chase down the bad guys. First, they analyze the crime scene with minute details. Then, they ask the Police Sketch Artist to get to work and draw what is known as a “facial composite.” They’ll also bring Shrinks in to analyze crime patterns. In a nutshell, they’ll make up as precise a portrait as they can of the individual they wish to one day take off the streets. If we “failed” more than once in our love life, why don’t we do the same, to make sure he/she gets the heck off our street? Why don’t we make a portrait of the type of person we keep falling for? What does he or she look like? What was I attracted to at the beginning? Where did we meet? Etc.

2. Become A Master

Some say, “If you wanna get better, you gotta work on your weaknesses.” We think this is good advice, if in fact, all you’re looking for is to “get better.” However, if you want to MASTER your love life, what we say is, “Copy the MASTERS, Focus on Your Strengths.” The top entertainers, business moguls, sports athletes, and so on; the ones that make it at the very top of their respective field do just that. They focus on their strengths to make them even stronger! Because that’s what sets them apart as MASTERS!
So what are your biggest strengths and attributes in a relationship? How can you make them stronger?

If we want to MASTER our love life, we need to ACT LIKE MASTERS and FOCUS ON OUR STRENGTHS
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3. Take Ownership

We should always be looking for internal factors rather than external ones whenever we try to assess “what happened?” In other words, we need to take a close look at our own behaviour in the relationship rather than considering only the other party’s behaviour.
Listen. We know he was a jerk……. We understand she betrayed you…….
However, will he or she help you to move forward now? Of course not! So we need to be able to Take Ownership and ask ourselves the tough questions. Questions like: “What is it that I did to bring me to where I am? When did I first know things were going sour? What could I have done to prevent this?” Etc.

4. Try Gratefulness

Yes you heard that one many times before… but it’s true! Here’s the deal though: you can’t be phony. You have to be TRUE. Again we understand this is easier said than done. The plain truth is, sometimes we have to get mad before we can ever find the place of gratefulness.
So what is it that I am mad about? Is it the financial debts? Ok. Separation costs can be bitchy.
Is it that he left me for my “best friend?” Ouch… and Re-Ouch…
Or, is it that I feel I lost X good years of my life? That’s a tough one too. Time is the only non-renewable commodity we all have.
Whatever it is that we are mad about, we have to acknowledge it first. Brushing it under the rug will only deprive us from the invaluable teaching lessons we can find in each of our frustrations. Then, and only then, can we start to try to be TRULY grateful for what we experienced. Like it or not, there was some good stuff in there.

5. Practice Forgiveness

This one is First Cousin with our #4 step. You know the “mad stuff” we talked about? Thing is, we can’t carry that stuff forever. It’s just a too heavy load! Too many of us get stuck in our past. We keep playing the blaming game. We’re very good at blaming ourselves, others or circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that if you want to kill the “F” word to move on in your romantic life, we need to learn to forgive ourselves, or the others, for whatever happened. Understand that forgiveness does not mean we have to make of our Ex our new BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing. What it means is, when we forgive, we are giving ourselves permission to move forward and love again.

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This is the kind of news that does not get a lot of attention from big national media outlets most of the time, but it sure caught ours. It was the simple story of the Oklahoma City Fraternal Order of Police deciding to do what’s right for the single mothers in their community during Valentine’s Day. In conjunction with their residents they ended up choosing three single mothers and spoil them with roses, a set of earrings and a gift certificate to a reputable restaurant in their town. Needless to say the three winners were totally moved by those nice gestures from complete strangers, as most of us would.

But this probably rings more loudly with single moms as most of them get to carry their loads alone and too often, unnoticed. Diane knows first-hand what it’s like because she’s been a single mother. While she admits she was fortunate to benefit from an amazing support group, she looks back on that phase of her life as one that brought many fears and questions, often in the form of self-doubts.

“I felt lonely, and I truly thought that few others could relate to my situation. This was several years ago, in a world that was certainly different from today’s world for single moms. For instance, the likes of SingleParentMeet.com had not yet arrived. Skype couldn’t help me keep an eye on the little one when I went out. And less people were becoming single parents by choice. Still, when it comes down to the real anxieties and worries single parents face, has much really changed?” says Diane.

Still, the troubling concerns that single parents say torment their lives today sound identical to the ones Diane wrestled with more than two decades ago: “Am I a good enough mom?” “Will we be okay financially?” “When will I be able to find some time for myself?” “Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?” And, the BIG one: “Will I ever be able to love and truly be loved again?”

We don’t pretend to have all the answers to the pressing questions Single Moms often ask themselves. But, we have 3 Reasons Why Single Moms Should NEVER Lose Hope of Finding True Love:

#1) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Everything starts with a decision–a choice we make. What is yours? Are you just looking to meet someone, or are you seeking to love and truly be loved? This may sound simplistic, but it is the first step of any true love journey.

After her divorce, Diane found herself back on the dating scene as a single mother. It took her several failed relationships before she made a choice that changed her life. She decided she would no longer settle or compromise for anything less than a lasting, blissful relationship. And she was resolute in her decision, even if this meant remaining alone with her son for the foreseeable future.

#2) Make it a B.Y.O.S.

Party invitations refer to B.Y.O.B. Our advice to you is don’t jump into a new relationship unless you Bring Your Own Self.

Party invitations refer to B.Y.O.B. Our advice to you is don’t jump into a new relationship…
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Early on in a new relationship, many of us undermine who we really are just to seduce the person we are dating. We would rather camouflage our true identity than stay alone forever! Trust us on this: Once we make the choice to no longer compromise our true identity, to do the B.Y.O.S. thing, the lasting fulfilling relationship we deserve tends to manifest.

#3) We’re in charge.

We have to make a conscious effort to figure out the non-negotiables, or “personal laws” we require from a relationship. Once we’ve established our own needs and our own self-worth, we will have a clearer picture of our next relationship. We have to remain steadfast and unbending about our personal laws. This will help us avoid pitfalls on our quest to finding our ideal relationship, and it will show others that we care enough about ourselves to not compromise what we feel is important.

For Diane, her #1 personal law was:
                     My son has to be embraced, not just accepted.

Diane had been in situations where she knew this wasn’t the case, and it didn’t feel right. This became a non-negotiable condition for her. Personal laws are by nature…personal! There’s no one set of requirements. But, if we fail to establish them–or worse, if we don’t implement them as we embark on our next relationship, chances are this will end up as a deal breaker later on.

Our takeaway is simple. It’s certainly normal to feel lonely and forgotten as a single mother, especially when the date on the calendar yells to us that we shouldn’t be… But by making simple changes, one by one, we can achieve tremendous results in our lives, including, finding the special person who will bring us flowers even when it’s not Valentine’s Day!

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Starting a relationship without exposing our true selves is venturing into dangerous territory — like walking in a minefield and knowing we could trigger an explosion with every step. Many of us have experienced or witnessed such an explosion before: A couple seems to be getting along just fine until one day, out of the blue, one party calls it quits. Do you know why? It’s likely that the person who walked out was wearing camouflage.
As we wrote previously, camouflage is intended to disguise. Nothing else. So why would one use it with a significant other? We have three answers to this question and they go hand in hand.

Beware of the pleaser
People who hide their true selves in their relationships are doing it for two reasons: They want to please their partner with their phony charm, and they want to hang around without totally engaging. These people need to question the veracity of their intentions. What are they really after? When they build a relationship on a faulty foundation, it’s destined to collapse. They need to reconcile who they are with the fake persona they are putting on. What’s the purpose behind the camouflage? Manipulation? Fear? Low self-esteem? Remember, there’s a distinction between wearing a gaudy disguise on Halloween and covering up one’s true identity the rest of the year. Camouflaging one’s self into someone we’re not just to please the other, means we’re not bringing “all of you” in the equation.

Camouflaging one’s self into someone we’re not just to please the other, means we’re not bringing…
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Yes, there’s an App for that
Hasn’t this become second nature: A question comes to mind, and we instinctually reach for our smartphones to check the App that can answer it for us. Well, believe it or not, there’s another App to help us determine if we’re victims of camouflage. It’s called the “off” button. Turn that phone off! Eliminate all the noise. Many people simply can’t be alone with themselves and, instead, surround themselves with all kinds of distractions simply to avoid taking a good look at the reality staring them in the face. Sooner or later, they need to confront the unavoidable truth — that they alone are the drivers of their lives and destinies. Take some alone time, away from all the daily noise, to reflect on the validity of your relationship.

Address the false front

Last, but not least, sit down with your partner and share your feelings with an open heart. This may be tough if you feel you’ve been hiding for a long, long time. However, our recommendation is to approach the person with love, openness and sincerity, doing your best to leave anger out of it. The bottom line is, you have to come clean and shed the camouflage if you want to give the relationship a chance to blossom into an authentic, fulfilling partnership.

If you’re still not convinced that the camouflage is working against you as you hunt for true companionship, think about this: You did not come into this world to impersonate someone you’re not. You are supposed to be YOU. Just you. Once you discover and embrace your own worth, you instantly enhance your “love-worth.” By removing the entire disguise, your relationship hunt can attract a true, lifelong partner.

The post Don’t Use Camouflage In A Relationship appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

As hard as it is, the scars of broken hearts can be healed.  A recent study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University now shows that there is an effective recovery path for broken hearts.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on the path to romantic recovery. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We firmly believe it’s possible to find love again after experiencing a major heartbreak. But, be forewarned: “Possible” doesn’t mean “easy.” The first obstacle to surmount is fear. This is the most critical roadblock to moving forward and finding love again. Fear is often so dominant that it can crush any new budding relationship before it takes bloom.

Anyone oppressed by the weight of fear — whether it’s fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of rejection, and so on — needs to first acknowledge that fear is just a state of mind. Think of it as an acronym for “false evidence appearing real.” It’s important to acknowledge and accept this fact. Otherwise, fear morphs into a delusion that can keep you from starting any promising new relationship.

Follow these three tips to take charge of common fears that preclude you from loving and being loved again.

Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. But if you’ve lived through rejection in a love affair, your scar tissue certainly runs deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth multiplies “love-worth.”

Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth multiplies “love-worth.”
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Fly below the radar at first

Another fear that gets in the way of finding love is an irrational fear of failure or defeat. Whenever those with this phobia confront any scenario in which they sense the possibility of failure, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction and they run for the bushes. But here’s our recommendation: Ease in slowly to any new relationship. It’s better to befriend a romantic interest first. Take the time to show who you are and to truly discover the other person before the stakes become too high. Then, if the chemistry isn’t there or your values don’t align, there’s no crash-and-burn defeat to recover from.

Become better acquainted with…yourself

The fear of being alone forever is another juggernaut. But, when you set out to dissect this fear, you find that it has no substance to it. The fear of being alone is nothing more than a lack of confidence in one’s self. Make a point of remaining single for a while. See this as an opportunity to challenge, examine and evaluate yourself and your previous relationships. Take time to really assess what makes you grateful, as well as your beliefs, your values and your priorities–what we refer to as your “GBVPs.” Confront your relationship patterns by asking: What am I really attracted to in a man/woman? What do I value most in a relationship? Listen to your inner voice to decipher what really is best for you. Then, stop compromising. You should never settle because of the fear of being alone.

We believe the bottom line to truly overcoming fear is faith. Faith is being sure that what we hope for, what we desire, is on its way. Put your faith in God or your Higher Power and you will conquer any fear that gets in your way.

The post New research confirms: Broken hearts Can Be Healed appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

People often ask us, “What’s the one thing you have to do to find the right partner after having experienced a major heartbreak?” Our unequivocal answer is: Overcoming Fears. It’s the one critical factor that gets in the way of individuals venturing on the romantic recovery path. In fact, it’s so formidable that it can crush any budding relationship before it takes bloom. If you feel yourself fall into that trap, think of this well-known acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

We all need to put on the right lenses because FEAR is just an illusion. It’s important to acknowledge and accept this reality. Otherwise, fear morphs into a delusion that you hide behind to shy away from starting any promising new relationship. Go ahead. Confront those angst-inducing anxieties. We guarantee you’ll come out on top!

Follow these tips to take charge of common fears that prevent you from embarking on a new relationship.

Become better acquainted with…yourself

The fear of being alone is nothing more than a lack of faith in one’s self. The irony with this one is that people deceived by it are seldom alone! They typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why they can’t seem to find one that lasts. Yet, from one time to another, they expect different results. When a relationship ends, take time to really assess your beliefs, values, priorities–and your gratitudes. Challenge your relationship patterns by asking: What am I really attracted to in a man/woman? What do I value most in a relationship? Listen to your inner voice to know what really is best for you. Then, stop compromising. You should never settle because of the fear of being alone.

Stop compromising. You should never settle because of the fear of being alone.
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We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Remember when you first went into that new school as a child and how badly you wanted to be accepted? Well, many specialists say that if you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

Fly below the radar at first

Another fear that gets in the way of finding love is an irrational fear of failure or defeat. Whenever those with this phobia confront any scenario in which they sense the possibility of failure, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction and they run for the bushes. But here’s our recommendation: Ease in slowly to any new relationship. It’s better to befriend a romantic interest first. Take the time to show who you are and to truly discover the other person before the stakes become too high. Then, if the chemistry isn’t there or your values don’t align, there’s no crash-and-burn defeat to recover from.

The post 3 Tips to Overcoming Fears To Find True Love appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.