But aside from romance, did you know the true love fest undoubtedly resides with the “love merchants” of the world? Yes Honey! For all the confectionery makers, restaurant owners, flower shops keepers, jewelry artisans, greeting cards manufacturers, champagne producers, fragrance makers, etc.; Valentine’s Day really translates, in the U.S. alone, into 20 BILLION$ worth of love! That’s a lot of love and coincidentally, “V” Day happens to be just seven short weeks after the annual shopping peek: Christmas… How convenient!

We may sound satirical but make no mistake: we do see a lot of good with February’s red soaked date. Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t take second row behind other motivators…

Anything that promotes “love,” we are big fans of… as long as love remains true and doesn’t…
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So here are the 4 main challenges we see with “V” Day, whether you are in a relationship or you’re not:

1. If you are in a relationship and put so much emphasis on being covered with roses and chocolates every time Feb 14th comes along, doesn’t it tell a lot of what you ultimately value in the relationship? Or is this simply an indication that you are not feeling loved the rest of the year?

2. If you are NOT in a relationship and are heartbroken just at the thought of not having new pics to upload to your social media profile, are you truly looking for love or is feeling “acknowledged” by the crowd really what you are looking for?

3. If you are in one of those stormy relationships, with the two of you always fighting over the slightest details all year around, are you using Valentine’s Day as a cover up for your dysfunctional romance?

4. If you are NOT in a relationship and are feeling melancholic about previous February 14th celebrations, (you know the ones before he or she ran away?) well if it’s the case, isn’t this the time for you to move on? How long will you accept to get stuck in your past?

In a nutshell, we think that if you are alone on Valentine’s Day, you should not necessarily see this as a curse. You probably spared yourself an over priced bad dinner in an overbooked restaurant with an awful service provided by overstretched and stressed out waiters, with someone who’s maybe only sailing the love wave… Just smile and be happy. You’re worth more than that!

But if you have someone dear to your heart with whom you’ll be spending Feb. 14th with, here’s what we hope: that you also have your own special date(s) on the calendar that you commemorate, date(s) that are only yours to celebrate when you don’t need flower shops or chocolate makers to remind you how lucky you are to have that special person in your life.

P.S.: For the record, we both loooove flowers and chocolates!

The post The 4 main challenges with “V” Day appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Let’s be honest: Romantic relationships occupy a lot of space in most people’s lives. And rightfully so! A great majority of us long for stable, fulfilling relationships with a partner we can share our lives with. There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery. Here are 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the man-made environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Do you really think you can build a healthy, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no…
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2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.
3-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

4- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

The post 4 Ways to Steer Clear from Relationship Misconceptions appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

We believe there is one critical factor that often comes in the way of individuals venturing on the “romantic recovery path.” But it is so treacherous, so deceitful, that we like to refer to the phenomenon as the Impostor. This individual is very, very good at what he does and he finds sadistic pleasure in adapting his disguises, simply to deprive folks like us from one of our fundamental birthrights: the right to love and to be loved.

So who is that Impostor? Well, he’s a shorty. Just a four letters word: FEAR! But don’t get mislead by his diminutive stature. The fellow has proven time and time again that he can stall anyone who’s not watchful enough. As any great impostor, he uses several covers to achieve his means and deceive us. So let’s look at three of his most famous ones.

The FEAR of Being or Staying Alone
The Fear of Being or Staying Alone is nothing more than a lack of faith and a lack of confidence. The irony with this one is that people who get deceived by it are seldom alone! They typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why they can’t seem to find a lasting relationship. Yet, from one time to another, they expect different results… Our advice here is simple. Stop compromising. You should never settle because of the FEAR of Being or Staying Alone.

The FEAR of Rejection
This is one of our impostor’s favourite camouflage and one many of us have experienced first hand. Remember when you first went into that new school as a child? Or, when you had just moved to that new neighbourhood? Remember how badly you wanted to “be accepted” by the new kids you just met? And if they never “took you in,” because they said you were too fat or weird looking, the only thought of it probably still hurts years later… Well, many experts say that if you once experienced rejection as a child, you are very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. Including of course, your love life. It is one of our deepest human fears. FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, and they would rather stay alone than even try to find a suitable mate. If you feel you fall in that trap, think of this well-known acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

FEAR of Rejection victims will just give up, they would rather stay alone than even try to find…
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Kakorrhaphiophobia
Now this is some serious costume for any impostor and a most effective one for FEAR. Kakorrhaphiophobia is the fear of failure or defeat. The name is derived from the Greek phrase -kakos-, meaning bad and -phobos- meaning fear. In other words it is an intense, irrational fear of failure or defeat. According to many psychologists, individuals dealing with this phobia may fear failure from every angle of their life and should feel that they must constantly show themselves as being better, more in control and extra competent than others. A kakorrhaphiophobic individual might aggressively compete with peers, household members, co-workers and will obsessively seek acknowledgment of their achievements. What triggers the phobia? Specialists agree that a person suffering from Kakorrhaphiophobia has suffered a real-life trauma at some point in their life. Subsequently, when the phobic person confronts any scenario that even remotely reminds them of the trauma, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction. And they run for the bushes… So here’s our recommendation. If you recognized certain of your personal behaviours, we would strongly encourage you to seek counsel from an acknowledged therapist on this issue.

It’s important that we all acknowledge and accept this reality: FEAR is an illusion. It morphs, disguises itself into a mirage behind which we often hide to shy away from starting any new blissful relationship. Go ahead. Confront the Impostor in your life. But if you want to “fly away” from it all, do it for the right reasons!

The post Uncover the Impostor Stopping You to Find Love Again appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

This is a true story. A few weeks ago, I was asked to share my views with the editor of a popular blog platform on the “unwanted effects of divorce” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on.”  In other words, they wanted to know my separation recovery recipe.

After browsing the web for a few hours, I decided to step outside to do a bit of work around the house, but mainly, to digest what my main findings were. This is something I do on a regular basis, not the manual work (trust me on this…), but the habit of getting away from my desk after a while to let my brain do the processing.

As I was weeding out our driveway, the UPS truck showed up with a delivery. We order a lot of stuff online from shoes to clothing, so this was not an unusual event. However, what unfolded after really was one of those “omen” moments.

Through the years, I had seen that UPS driver dozens of times in our neighbourhood and pulling in front of our house. Aside from the customary nods or “thank you’s,” him and I had never engaged in a real conversation. That particular afternoon though, after I had buried my head in all sorts of divorce data, out of the blue my “new friend” started to share some very personal stuff with me. He confessed that  “his wife of 30+ years” had recently left him. According to his version of things -I never got to hear the other party- this was something he had never seen coming, and thus, was completely devastated…

It is a situation a lot more common than most people think. A study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, correlates that about two thirds of divorces in the United States are initiated by women. Many other studies in the U.K. show percentages as high as 72% for a “female initiated divorce.” Of course experts have examined all kinds of gendered, cultural and societal data to try to explain their findings, but the fact remains: many men find themselves facing an unwanted divorce or separation.

Apart from encouraging him and wishing him all the best, I didn’t do any coaching with the Delivery Man that afternoon. He had a route to cater to and I had to continue to battle the weeds infestation… But I have worked with a good bunch of men who fit his profile. Do you want to know what they have in common? Aside from the obvious pain that they all partake, the unifying thread I found with most of them is one that still baffles me whenever hear it: THEY DIDN’T SEE IT COMING! And they say this with convincing emotions! They had no clue the relationship was in jeopardy so this divorce/separation “thing” came in as a total surprise.

So the question is:
Are divorces or separations more difficult for a man or for a woman?

No it’s not. We strongly believe the pain is not limited to, or more intense for a specific gender. However, what we agree with is that “the unwanted effects of divorce/separation” and “how people can pick up what’s left of their lives and move on,” depends heavily on this: how one can muster the courage to look at oneself with the utmost honesty.

Those are the most important ingredients to overcome such situations: COURAGE and HONESTY. That’s why you’ll find them in each of this 3-Course Meal Separation Recovery Recipe.

1st Course: Denial Is Only Denying You

Whether you are a man or a woman, you need to read this carefully if you’re amongst the
“I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING GUYS…”
Maybe you heard him or her saying on the way out “It’s not you…It’s me.” And you bought that. So perhaps you’ve been repeating to your pals and to yourself:
“We had it all! We had the perfect relationship!”
Listen, you did not. Because He or She left! There were clues. There’s always “writing on the wall.” Bottom line is this: you lived in denial.

Deep down, you knew something was off. But you chose to look the other way. You chose to deny it, and because you did, now you still make the same decision to carry on with it. You keep on saying, “I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING.” Stop the denial. The time has come for you to look at your own behaviour in that relationship and take responsibility. It’s about owning and understanding your behaviour. Look back at the clues and ask yourself “What could I have done to prevent this?” Here’s a starting hint: ADDRESSING a situation will ALWAYS improve your outcome rather than IGNORING it. Denial is only Denying You.

Rather than IGNORING, ADDRESS the situation. Denial is only Denying You.
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2nd Course: Stop The Blaming Game

We find that too many of us get stuck in our past. We play what we call the blaming game. We’re very good at blaming ourselves and blaming the others or the circumstances for what happened in our lives. What is key to understand is, that THIS IS NOT ABOUT the OTHER or the CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS IS ABOUT YOU, so it means taking responsibility for your results.

In order to move ahead with our lives, at one point we need to learn to forgive ourselves or the other for whatever happened. It’s certainly not an easy thing to do. It’s sometimes really hard, but understand that forgiveness does not mean that what the person did is not wrong, or that we have to transform our Ex into our BFF and start hanging out together all the time! Although that could be a wonderful thing… What it means is, when we take responsibility and we forgive ourselves first, we are in fact giving ourselves permission to move forward. Forgiveness is our Free Pass to Love!
Stop the Blaming Game.

3rd Course: Let Go And Let God

You heard that one before and although we can’t take the credit for it, this is one we use not only in our coaching but in our personal lives as well. Whether we like it or not, there are things in this life that are totally out of our control, things that we just don’t understand. Maybe you did have the “perfect deal” with your now ex-mate. Perhaps there is nothing you could have done to prevent the breakup. Why don’t you turn to God and let Him carry the load?

Our experience has been that when we do, when we accept that we’re only human and that we need Divine Intervention, with time not only does it lead us to a place of peacefulness, it also gives us the responses we just could not see before, and, it shows us why we had to live through certain things. We hope it can be the same for you. Let Go and Let God.

The post Our 3-Course Meal Separation Recovery Recipe appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to steer clear of relationship roadblocks, even if a great majority of us long for a stable, peaceful and fulfilling relationship. And it seems even harder once we have experienced a serious heartbreak. So why does the quest to find a true life’s companion seem like Mission Impossible for so many? There is certainly no such thing as a “one size fits all” answer to that question but a study by the University of Arizona and Northwestern University sheds more light on the contributing factors to an effective path to recovery.

Researchers demonstrated that the trial group that spent time assessing their romantic misfortunes recuperated far more quickly than the group that didn’t reflect on their breakups. This confirms our own theory that people need to unpack what caused a relationship to fail if they wish to move forward on their journey to romantic revival. To put it bluntly: Don’t look for new love until you’ve looked hard at yourself. Otherwise, you’re likely to repeat the same painful patterns.

We also think the elusive search for true love has a lot to do with basic misconceptions that we’ve learned to associate with relationships. It’s high time that we debunk these relationships myths and misconceptions and expose the illogical thinking behind them. The next time you hit a bump in the relationship roadway (or maybe experienced a real crash-and-burn defeat), steer away from these five pieces of misguided advice. Otherwise, you may end up down another dead-end street.

1-Opposites attract

Think about this: If you’re a natural introvert, why would you choose a partner who’s the life of the party and always wants to be in the limelight? Or, if you’re outdoorsy and prefer the natural settings over the manmade environments, why would you go out with someone who prefers wandering through malls more than remote trails?

Looking for someone who’s preferences and lifestyle are 180-degrees the opposite of yours is a recipe for disaster. Do you sincerely think you can build a harmonious, lifelong relationship with someone you have next to no compatibility with? What’s more likely is that, once the infatuation is over, those opposite tendencies will turn out to be exactly what make the relationship fail. Instead, as you search for your soul mate, your odds for success will be higher if you seek out someone with similar qualities and common interests.

Opposites attract? Looking for someone who’s preferences/lifestyle R the opposite of yours is a…
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2-Love at first sight

We’ve seen this so frequently on the silver screen that we like to refer to it as the “Hollywood Syndrome.” You meet up with a friend who excitedly shares how the guy she just met is the one. She gushes about how “the instant I saw him, it was love at first sight.” Then she goes on to describe how their eyes met across the room, how they were drawn to each other, and how the sparks flew for the rest of the night. Then, sure enough, a few weeks later when you meet up again, she either tells you it’s over, or that they’ve taken their foot off the accelerator.

Okay, let’s be clear here. We’re not saying that love at first sight can’t ever work. We believe in connection, and chemistry, and all the alarms that go off when you’re attracted to someone. But, at some point early in the relationship, you’ll still need to assess what you truly value in a companion. You’ll need to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What you see isn’t always what you get. Don’t confuse love at first sight with “lust” at first sight. The bottom line is, you’ll have to do the work if you want the relationship to last.

3-Sex by the third date is the new normal

Nowadays it’s hard to know just what the expectation is around sex. Some expect it on the first date; some think each party should know by the third date if there’s a connection, and act on it. Frankly, there’s no such thing as a set timeline for having sexual encounters.

Never feel pressured by what others say is the “normal” timeframe. It’s your own decision, based on what feels right for you. And, it’s important to remember that anything of value is worth waiting for. Keep in mind that whatever a relationship is built upon determines how well it holds up. In other words, if you build a strong foundation based on friendship, respect and trust, you’ll know if the structure will crumble or hold up when you weigh sex.

4-It’s better to get back on the horse

We’ve all lived through scenes like this at least once in our lives: You’re getting a haircut, and the guy in the chair next to you is spilling his guts about the girl who just dumped him. (Yes! Men talk about their relationships at the salon, too!) Meanwhile, the barber is listening and carrying on with his haircut until someone blurts out, “You’d better get back on that horse right away.” We hear this advice so often that it’s become like doctrine. But we stand to differ.

Every romantic setback is an opportunity for a life-changing comeback. But this can only happen when you take time to step back and truly examine who you are, what you bring to a relationship and, importantly, what you truly want.

5- Focus on your “worthiness”

We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Many specialists link that fear to childhood. If you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Further, if you later lived through rejection in a love affair, your cicatrix certainly run deep.

Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

The post 5 Ideas to Steer Clear of Relationship Roadblocks appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

This is the kind of news that does not get a lot of attention from big national media outlets most of the time, but it sure caught ours. It was the simple story of the Oklahoma City Fraternal Order of Police deciding to do what’s right for the single mothers in their community during Valentine’s Day. In conjunction with their residents they ended up choosing three single mothers and spoil them with roses, a set of earrings and a gift certificate to a reputable restaurant in their town. Needless to say the three winners were totally moved by those nice gestures from complete strangers, as most of us would.

But this probably rings more loudly with single moms as most of them get to carry their loads alone and too often, unnoticed. Diane knows first-hand what it’s like because she’s been a single mother. While she admits she was fortunate to benefit from an amazing support group, she looks back on that phase of her life as one that brought many fears and questions, often in the form of self-doubts.

“I felt lonely, and I truly thought that few others could relate to my situation. This was several years ago, in a world that was certainly different from today’s world for single moms. For instance, the likes of SingleParentMeet.com had not yet arrived. Skype couldn’t help me keep an eye on the little one when I went out. And less people were becoming single parents by choice. Still, when it comes down to the real anxieties and worries single parents face, has much really changed?” says Diane.

Still, the troubling concerns that single parents say torment their lives today sound identical to the ones Diane wrestled with more than two decades ago: “Am I a good enough mom?” “Will we be okay financially?” “When will I be able to find some time for myself?” “Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?” And, the BIG one: “Will I ever be able to love and truly be loved again?”

We don’t pretend to have all the answers to the pressing questions Single Moms often ask themselves. But, we have 3 Reasons Why Single Moms Should NEVER Lose Hope of Finding True Love:

#1) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Everything starts with a decision–a choice we make. What is yours? Are you just looking to meet someone, or are you seeking to love and truly be loved? This may sound simplistic, but it is the first step of any true love journey.

After her divorce, Diane found herself back on the dating scene as a single mother. It took her several failed relationships before she made a choice that changed her life. She decided she would no longer settle or compromise for anything less than a lasting, blissful relationship. And she was resolute in her decision, even if this meant remaining alone with her son for the foreseeable future.

#2) Make it a B.Y.O.S.

Party invitations refer to B.Y.O.B. Our advice to you is don’t jump into a new relationship unless you Bring Your Own Self.

Party invitations refer to B.Y.O.B. Our advice to you is don’t jump into a new relationship…
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Early on in a new relationship, many of us undermine who we really are just to seduce the person we are dating. We would rather camouflage our true identity than stay alone forever! Trust us on this: Once we make the choice to no longer compromise our true identity, to do the B.Y.O.S. thing, the lasting fulfilling relationship we deserve tends to manifest.

#3) We’re in charge.

We have to make a conscious effort to figure out the non-negotiables, or “personal laws” we require from a relationship. Once we’ve established our own needs and our own self-worth, we will have a clearer picture of our next relationship. We have to remain steadfast and unbending about our personal laws. This will help us avoid pitfalls on our quest to finding our ideal relationship, and it will show others that we care enough about ourselves to not compromise what we feel is important.

For Diane, her #1 personal law was:
                     My son has to be embraced, not just accepted.

Diane had been in situations where she knew this wasn’t the case, and it didn’t feel right. This became a non-negotiable condition for her. Personal laws are by nature…personal! There’s no one set of requirements. But, if we fail to establish them–or worse, if we don’t implement them as we embark on our next relationship, chances are this will end up as a deal breaker later on.

Our takeaway is simple. It’s certainly normal to feel lonely and forgotten as a single mother, especially when the date on the calendar yells to us that we shouldn’t be… But by making simple changes, one by one, we can achieve tremendous results in our lives, including, finding the special person who will bring us flowers even when it’s not Valentine’s Day!

The post 3 Reasons Why Single Moms Should NEVER Lose Hope of Finding True Love appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

People often ask us, “What’s the one thing you have to do to find the right partner after having experienced a major heartbreak?” Our unequivocal answer is: Overcoming Fears. It’s the one critical factor that gets in the way of individuals venturing on the romantic recovery path. In fact, it’s so formidable that it can crush any budding relationship before it takes bloom. If you feel yourself fall into that trap, think of this well-known acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

We all need to put on the right lenses because FEAR is just an illusion. It’s important to acknowledge and accept this reality. Otherwise, fear morphs into a delusion that you hide behind to shy away from starting any promising new relationship. Go ahead. Confront those angst-inducing anxieties. We guarantee you’ll come out on top!

Follow these tips to take charge of common fears that prevent you from embarking on a new relationship.

Become better acquainted with…yourself

The fear of being alone is nothing more than a lack of faith in one’s self. The irony with this one is that people deceived by it are seldom alone! They typically jump from one relationship to another without ever questioning why they can’t seem to find one that lasts. Yet, from one time to another, they expect different results. When a relationship ends, take time to really assess your beliefs, values, priorities–and your gratitudes. Challenge your relationship patterns by asking: What am I really attracted to in a man/woman? What do I value most in a relationship? Listen to your inner voice to know what really is best for you. Then, stop compromising. You should never settle because of the fear of being alone.

Stop compromising. You should never settle because of the fear of being alone.
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We are all familiar with the fear of rejection. Remember when you first went into that new school as a child and how badly you wanted to be accepted? Well, many specialists say that if you once experienced rejection as a child, you’re very likely to try to avoid it at all costs in your adult relationships. It’s one of our deepest human fears. Instead of falling victim to the fear of rejection by just giving up on finding a lifelong mate, take stock of your self-worth. Build a foundation of self-respect based on what makes you your unique self–your life experiences, your successes and disappointments, your personality and your passions. Who you are as an individual makes up your self-worth, and self-worth increases “love-worth.”

Fly below the radar at first

Another fear that gets in the way of finding love is an irrational fear of failure or defeat. Whenever those with this phobia confront any scenario in which they sense the possibility of failure, their brain automatically signals a fight or flight reaction and they run for the bushes. But here’s our recommendation: Ease in slowly to any new relationship. It’s better to befriend a romantic interest first. Take the time to show who you are and to truly discover the other person before the stakes become too high. Then, if the chemistry isn’t there or your values don’t align, there’s no crash-and-burn defeat to recover from.

The post 3 Tips to Overcoming Fears To Find True Love appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

And it dawned on us again after we gave a radio interview the other day on our book. It was one of those interviews where you could just sense that the show host had never read our material and was simply trying to “wing” it. Not the best of energy…

She kept asking questions that were just off topic to both of us. On each occasion we subtly deviated our answers and tried to gently bring her back to the essence of our content. When she finally realized that we wrote a self-help book for people who are still seeking to find the ideal life partner in spite of how many heartbreaks or separations they may have had, the radio show host blurted out something like this:
“Well, I’ve been married for more than 40 years to my college sweetheart, and I just can’t understand why so many people are jumping from one relationship to another!”

To make a long story short, we sincerely congratulated her on the longevity of her marriage and concluded the interview by confirming three things:

#1: Our book was probably not for her…
(Though we’ve had comments from people in current relationships who said it has helped them a lot)

#2: Despite her success, today’s sad reality is that more than 50% of marriages and free unions end up in a breakup.

#3: This often surprises the people who are the closest to us, but we too have our moments of “wishful thinking.” Yes, we have had several “big ideas” that we didn’t act upon and therefore, have never materialized… Mario for instance, had this great idea for the perfect wine chiller… which he eventually left aside to focus on what he does best in that field: drink the wine!

Joke aside, we believe in the power of dreams and pursuing goals. But they are very different from wishful thinking because real dreams and goals have a game plan attach to them. In fact, ever since we got together, we’ve made this a practice and a critical component of our relationship.
A few times a year, we sit down and review our goals in all areas of our lives. As a result, we’ve been blessed with the manifestation of several of them, but more importantly, with the understanding of a big revelation: the BIGGER the goal, the more FOCUS and DEDICATION it will take. Nothing to do with wishful thinking…

We believe that everyone has the capacity to choose and act towards what they intend to create in their lives. Sentimental relationships are no different, whether you are in one or longing to have one.

Everyone has the capacity to choose and act towards what they intend to create in their lives….
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It starts with a clear decision. For us, the decision and goal at the top of our accomplishments is without a doubt the one we made long before we met each other: to no longer settle or compromise for the relationship we wanted. And here’s the best part: You, too, can make that decision.
Decide to shake things up in your love life. Make a shift. Stop the wishful thinking and put up a game plan to get the desired results.

The post Stop Wishful Thinking: Put Up A Game Plan To Get Better Results appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.

Truth be told, “love excuses” can stop you from your dream relationship. What’s our rational? Well, we put up a post on our Facebook page recently and asked this to single adults: Is there a particular phase in life that’s best to fall in love? The response was overwhelming. Given the nature of the platform, we don’t pretend in any way that this is scientific research, nonetheless, we found the outcome extremely interesting. More than 90 percent of people who weighed in said love is “ageless.” The vast majority think that love is possible at any age or stage in life.

This was fascinating to us because we saw a large disconnect between people’s inner thoughts (alone with their wireless device or computer) and what they verbally express when prompted on the matter. The online survey responses suggest that people can find love at anytime. But, when we ask single people from all walks of life if they feel they can find true love, the answers we receive have been quite the opposite. More often than not people answer everything except a definitive “yes.”

Most of the responses we hear are excuses about their barriers to finding love. We know that because, when we follow up with a question along the lines of: “If there was a way to get past your situation, would you like to find true love?” the answers invariably flip over to the “yes” side.

Excuses are self-deceiving. That’s what they’re meant for. They are nothing more than false stories we convince ourselves to be true. The tragedy is that, with time, they become our reality.

Are “love excuses” keeping you from finding love? Here are five of the most common love excuses we hear, and why they aren’t true:

1) My career is too demanding
No one will argue that the workplace today is more gruelling than it’s ever been. Long gone are the days when many of us longed for that new cellular phone with the belief that it would make us more efficient… Technology has made us accessible 24/7 and raised the overall responsiveness expectations. (Be careful what you wish for.) But, as demanding as your job may be, a day will come when someone will take your office access card and all your electronics gismos away from you. What will you do next? Wouldn’t it be wise to start looking now for a life partner who loves you for who you are, not who you have to be when you put that suit on?

2) I’m too old
Age is a state of mind. We know people who live in retirement homes but choose to hang out with a selected few because, as they put it, “the majority is just too darn old!” Here’s the truth about love: it’s spectrum is so vast that it can embrace you at any stage of your existence. Examples of people finding love at a later phase of life are countless. Who said love had a “best before” date? Hiding behind that false story can only alienate you from the happiness you deserve.

Who said love had a “best before” date? Hiding behind that false story can only alienate you from…
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3) I’m a caregiver
If you have stepped into the role of taking care of a parent, or a close one, kudos to you. You are a hero and are worthy of praise and respect. But let’s not blend everything together. Being a caregiver does not define you. You are much more than that. Without a doubt, your situation is one that demands consideration. However, as hard as it may sound, you too, can be on the receiving end of love.

4) I had my soul mate for many years, but it’s over now

Some have been lucky enough to experience true love until, one day, death paid a call and took the loved one away. The widow or widower is left behind with a broken heart and countless loving memories. Understandably, the last thought on that person’s mind when “death do us part” is seeking love again. Many cultures or religions have a prescribed time for widowhood. Our school of thought, though, is different. Any wound needs time to heal, but it will vary based on a variety of factors: the nature of the loss, the convalescence conditions, the age of the bereaved, and so on. Firemen often fight fire with fire. Why would you discard love as the antidote for your love ache?

5) I’m too (fill in the blank)
This is the all-encompassing physical attributes category: too fat, too short, too skinny, too bald, too tall, too hairy, etc. So what? That’s how nature works! Variety, originality, and diversity are what the world is about. Your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful to someone walking the same Earth as you at this moment. Your job now should be to shift from a place of “too much bad” to one of “plenty of good” in the prospect of finding love again!

Granted, getting past the love excuses implies work and effort if one wishes to break free from a self-defeating attitude. But it can be done. The first question to ask is: Do you want to find a fulfilling relationship? If the answer is “yes,” start by defining what that love looks like. Then, address the false stories, the “love excuses” you’ve been hiding behind so you can start walking confidently towards the relationship that awaits you.

The post “Love Excuses” Can Stop You From Your Dream Relationship appeared first on ReLovenship - Find Love Again | Relationship Coaches & Love Guides - Mario P. Cloutier & Diane Sawaya-Cloutier.